


Tenten/Kakuzu Drabbles

by Azhwi, LosttotheHoping



Series: The Tenten & Kakuzu Shrine [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Drabbles, F/M, Hidan and Hinata will show up, POV bounces, Possible Spoilers, RP writing, a million not-a-dates, because it's us, lots of ST verse drabbles, lots of swearing, one shots, plunnies, some violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 11:53:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17365445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azhwi/pseuds/Azhwi, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LosttotheHoping/pseuds/LosttotheHoping
Summary: Little ideas and short fics. The ones we're willing to leave as is...





	1. Nicknames

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LosttotheHoping](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LosttotheHoping/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His brow twitched. “That’s not my name."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many of these are set in the ST verse where Hinata and Hidan are a couple, but Tenten and Kakuzu are only friends (for now).

One beer was light. Two, not bad. But... somehow she had lost count of how many were hers... and how many were his. He peeled his bottles so it was easy to tell... But there was no way all _those_ were hers. Right?

“I don’t remember seeing this,” she muttered, holding up a green bottle with a red foil. Tenten squinted at the label. “Daamn... twelve percent?”

The male in the chair beside hers lifted his head and looked at her.  “...  Yes?” he said, frowning at her in a strange way.

No arguing the facts, Tenten agreed and tilted the glass against her lips again. It took three long confused seconds until she realized that the damn thing was empty. “Hey Kuzu, any left in the cooler?”

His brow twitched.  “That’s not my name.  And I don’t know, you were in there last.  I think.”  He paused, thoughtful, then grunted and chugged the last quarter of his own drink.

The mystery green bottle was left with its cousins on the deck floor. Tenten tilted her head and grinned at her friend. “It’s either Kuzu or Kakuzu-kun...“ She was only looking out for his dignity after all.

“Or fucking Kakuzu,” he shot back.  “Unless you want me to start calling you Ten-Bun.”

She was going to kill Hinata... “Ugh, I’ll stick to Chuushin,” Tenten grumbled, slumping back in her chair. “The less _that_ nickname is spread around, the better.”

Snorting, he set his empty bottle down with a clink, and got up.  “Kakuzu,” he replied flatly, turned, and went to get the extras out of Hidan’s stash.  Would serve the bastard right for ditching Kakuzu last Saturday.

“I guess we’re out.” She watched him stalk away. “Hmm, nice ass.” Snickering, Tenten curled up on the chair and basked in the last feeble rays of the sunset. Summers were nice for that.

A moment later, Kakuzu was setting down a full bottle of imported rum.  “Not quite out,” he commented with a smirk.

 _Whoa..._ “That’s way more than... twelve.” Tenten stretched out, half suspended between the chairs to peer at the gold foil. “Wow. I think I’m gonna pass out just reading this.” Much higher, but also much better.

“I’ll get some glasses,” he said, but didn’t move away immediately.

She nodded. “That’s a good idea--Whoops!” So moving her head quickly was not a good idea. What she was reasonably sure was stable ground had just pitched quarter to the left. “Hey... Ku... er, Kakuzu? Can I have some water first?” Should probably find some crackers too. _One thing at a time_. She very cautiously shoved herself back onto the chair.

He sighed, and helped her right herself, then disappeared into the house.  A moment later, he returned with a couple bottles of water.  “Maybe we should hold off on the liquor, for a while...”

“That’s what I said.” She had, hadn’t she? She accepted the bottle of bland liquid and cracked it open as Kakuzu settled in the other chair. “So how’s school doing anyway?” she asked after the first few sips. Not exactly the most interesting topic, but he had to be killing himself over something. She’d seen his schedule.

Green eyes shifted toward her as he gulped down half of his bottle of water.  He lowered it, and frowned.  “The work is both harder and easier than I expected, alternatively.”

“Lots to do, but not much point?”

“Could not have phrased it more succinctly,” he deadpanned.


	2. Pets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You seem to be more of a piranha person, I think.”

“Hey, if you could have a pet, what would it be?” Tenten asked, taking her eyes off her textbook. Sue her, she needed a break. Advanced physics was soul devouring. Though, not as demonic as Practical Accounting.

“Pit bull,” Kakuzu responded without hesitation, and circled something on the paper before him.  “Why do you ask?”

Shoving the text off her lap, she stretched her arms over her head, pausing to listen as her collarbone popped. “You seem to be more of a piranha person, I think.” Grinning at his arched brow, Tenten let her arms drop down onto the back rest. “Think about it. A dozen or two. Flesh eating. Less likely to shit all over the carpet.”

“They aren't free range enough,” he replied, although obviously amused.  “Besides, any dog I've ever had only shit on my carpet once.”

“Wha-?” Lurching forward from her sprawl, Tenten gaped at him. “You’ve had a dog. Multiple. More than one. You?” Because… no way. She just couldn’t see it. A younger Kakuzu surrounded by a litter of puppies. Could she dare call the image cute? Or just mind breaking?

Kakuzu actually looked a little insulted.  “Of course I have,” he said as the door opened to admit Deidara, who made a beeline for the fridge.  “Every young boy wants a dog.”

Deidara’s spit-take was a thing of beauty.  So much for his coke. “Oh, God, are you talking about that thing?!?”

“She wasn't a thing,” Kakuzu said with a dark look.

Deidara ignored that and addressed Tenten.  “Try a two and half foot tall, 265 pound behemoth with a really weird obsession with Kisame’s ass, un,” he told her, shuddering.  “Weirdest dike dog I've ever seen!”

Kakuzu was eying a folder with particular interest.

“I don’t suppose there are pictures?” Morbidly curious didn’t even cover this. It was closer to suicidal fascination. Despite what Deidara was saying, Kakuzu voluntarily involving himself with a furred creature had the potential of being… not homicidal. And that didn’t seem to fit his persona at all. And she was leaning more towards mind breaking by the minute.

Deidara saw Kakuzu reaching for the folder and hastily beat his retreat without even an excuse.  Kakuzu scowled and picked up his phone, fiddling with it for a moment before handing it over. On it was a beautiful, huge pit curled up next to a much younger, sleeping Hidan.

…

“I will pay you whatever you want to forward that picture to Hinata right now.”

“... actually that's funny enough that I'm not going to charge you,” he admitted, and forwarded it.  They didn't have to wait long.

Tenten’s phone chimed and when she grabbed it discovered _Hidan_ had sent a text. [ _What did Kakuzu just send me? This is Hina_ ]

“Oh, shit. Of course, they’re together.” Snickering, Tenten rolled onto her back and gleefully texted Hinata’s phone. [ _You can’t deny her this pic! Give it up!_ ]

Kakuzu smirked and forwarded it to Tenten with a knowing look.  He ignored the text he got from Hinata’s phone. “Now send it to her.”

“You’re a beautiful man,” she told him straight faced, and sent the pic to Hidan _and_ Hinata’s phones. [ _Enjoy!_ ] “You know, I can’t imagine that I’m all that good for your relations with the poor bastard. I think I’m making his--” she broke off as her phone chimed, twice in quick succession.

[ _EEEEEEEEEEEE! Is that??_ ] [ _I think he’s defiling my phone… XD_ ]

Kakuzu got a new text and checked it finally.  He blinked. “What?” he muttered even as another came in.  He couldn't seem to help a snicker.

[ _I can’t believe you’re touching his!_ ] Tenten tapped back and laughed. “Is Hina gonna need to bleach her phone? She says Hidan’s going ballistic.”

“I don't think he'll damage it,” Kakuzu replied, amused.  It wasn't a no.

“Just out of curiosity…” She put down her phone to quirk a brow at him. “Just how old is Hidan in this pic?” He looked ten. But then, she wasn’t very good at guessing kid’s ages.

Kakuzu considered it briefly.  “Twelve, I believe. He hit a growth spurt at fifteen.  Before that, he was pretty small for his age.”

Taking another peek at her phone screen, Tenten dropped it back down and giggled. “I feel like I’m betraying you, but he’s fucking adorable! Did he even know this pic existed?”

“Yes,” he replied, shrugging.  “Apparently we had some deal about it, but that was so many years ago.  I don't even remember it.”

Tenten snorted. “AKA, you took care of it and that’s why you don’t need to worry.” Seeing his lips quirk, she giggled again. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

“You do seem to have caught onto the way I work,” he agreed.  “At any rate, I'm thinking about getting some real food. What do you think about joining me?”

“Oooh, yes.” Sitting up, Tenten started stacking books and shunting them against the wall. They’d be coming back anyway. “Drive through or sit down?” She checked her phone one more time, but there wasn’t anything new. Looked like Hinata was doing just fine.

He considered it and finally shrugged.  “Sit down.”

Hmm… Tenten picked out her wallet and checked for cash. “Yeah, I'm good with that. Any place in mind?”


	3. Canine Potential

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I forget that certain topics have been covered already. So, repetition of sorts...

“If you had a pet, what would it be?” Tenten asked, casually, randomly, while she sat hunched over a textbook. “And don’t tell me you wouldn’t at all, I just mean if there was a critter that  _ had _ to be part of your life, what would you prefer?”

“Haven’t you asked this before?” he asked after a minute, looking up from his paperwork.  He quirked a brow at her. “A dog.”

Blinking as she looked up, Tenten’s brows puckered. “Have I?” With a dismissive shrug, she focused back on her work.

…

“What kind?”

“Doberman.”  A paper crinkled as he turned it over, thoughtful.  “Or possibly a pitbull.”

A distracted hum was all she responded with. Copying something from where she had just highlighted, she cricked her neck and tapped a pencil. “Would you rather adopt an older dog or train from puppy? And why?” Glancing up, she grinned at his frown. “Just answer.”

She was definitely plotting something, and if he had to hazard a guess, it had something to do with getting him a dog.  “I can’t have a dog, Tenten.”

Shrugging, Tenten cocked a brow. “Future reference, Kakuzu-kun. Just answer the question, please?”

He sighed, but caved when she gave him a hopeful look.  “I’d prefer to train it myself. Which takes a lot of time and attention.  That I  _ don’t have _ .”

“Here’s the thing,” Tenten sat up, lacing her fingers over her knees. “ _ I _ will have the time, and--” her smile twitched over to amusement “--I’ve been told I can have a potentially loud and obnoxious pet that requires an extensive amount of attention.” Huffing, she added, “And I’m choosing not to adopt Hidan.”

Kakuzu snorted at that, and then pictured Hidan with a leash and shuddered.  “Please don’t do that to me again,” he said flatly.

“I’d have to muzzle him.” Tenten wrinkled her nose.

“No,  _ Hinata _ would,” Kakuzu retorted.  “Change the subject. ...please.”

Breaking into laughter, Tenten waved a hand at him. “Okay, okay. I’ll stop. But seriously, I’m getting a dog sometime after finals. Xi is proofing the house right now and I’m researching breeds.” Flashing him one last grin, she turned back to her books. “Just a heads up.”

He looked at her thoughtfully.   _ That _ , he was actually fairly okay with.  It also made sense for her to want the dog to be familiar with him, since they were… close.  “Okay,” he said, and redirected his attention back onto his work. If he finished quickly, he could get a nap before his night shift at the Red Room.

The topic of pets didn’t come up again for the rest of the night, nor the next day, nor the rest of the week. Until Hinata made a suggestion.

“Dalmations are cute, aren’t they?” she asked as the two girls walked into the office. Both of them greeting Kakuzu as he looked up.

Humming, Tenten sat down on the worn couch in her usual spot. “Yes… but they might not be social animals. Sometimes they can be a one person dog and woe anyone else who steals their person’s attention away.”

Hinata’s eyebrows rose. “I didn’t realize… Um… How about a husky?”

“Drama queens, all of them.”

“Golden retrievers?”

Tenten hummed again. “On the list already.”

Hinata tilted her head. “You’re being rather clinical about this,” she noted. “You never know, Tenten. You may walk into a shelter and fall in love with a completely random dog.”

“Maybe.” Tenten flicked open a text and leaned into Hinata’s shoulder. “It’s also completely possible that if I do that, I won’t be doing the dog a favor because I won’t be prepared to provide the home they need.” She sighed. “Decade and a half commitment, Hina. Can’t half-ass this.”

“Not to mention, all your heart,” Hinata agreed. “Just don’t forget.”

Tenten snorted. “I fully expect this not to go by plan. Hopefully, I can prepare myself for whatever happens.”

“Mixed breed of unknown origins?”

“And all sorts of medical issues, I’m sure.”

Both girls winced.

Kakuzu hummed.  “I’d suggest shopping around,” he said, and shrugged at the curious looks.  “But they are easier to handle if you teach them from the get go, regardless of the breed.  Hunting dogs are the best, though not necessarily the easiest.”

Tenten tilted her head. “If I get a working dog, it certainly gives me a clear guideline on what the dog needs psychologically to be happy.” She caught sight of Hinata’s faint smile. “It would be easier,” she insisted. “Herd dogs like something to take care of, guard dogs need territory, hunting dogs need to run.”

“And you can’t imagine any way to keep a lap dog happy?” Hinata asked, smiling widely.

Tenten grimaced. “Other than putting fur everywhere? Heck no.”

“Lap dogs are pointless,” Kakuzu agreed.  “They’re a waste of money. Don’t bother.”

“Careful,” Hinata warned them both with a grin. “Tenten may just fall for one.”

Reaching out, Tenten placed a hand over Hinata’s mouth. “Foul words.”

Kakuzu gave Hinata a thoughtful look.  “I don’t see it happening,” he decided, ignoring the hint of a teasing sparkle in her eyes.  Hidan was rubbing off on her too much. “She’s too practical for that nonsense.”

As he was focused on Hinata, he almost missed the pleased grin that had Tenten ducking away.

Now freed, Hinata giggled. “Practical when she can, utterly hopeless when she can’t. Right, Tenten?”

“Hush,” Tenten shot back, pulling a book into her lap. “Enough about my issues. We both need to study.”

“Hai, hai,” Hinata murmured back, reaching for her own notes, but not before glancing at Kakuzu with a bright smile.

Two minutes later… “Chihuahua.”

Hinata laughed as Tenten bodily shoved her off the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All dogs can be adorable. However, personally, I have no respect for chihuahuas.


	4. The Puppy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Was that a fuckin’ _dog_?” Hidan demanded, sounding bewildered.

It was purely coincidence that he stumbled upon the mutt, but it was the thought of Tenten that had him pulling his car over and walking back twenty feet to crouch by the box on the side of the road.  Honestly, he wasn’t terribly concerned with how people treated their animals, but abandonment was just plain lazy.

Regardless, the puppy was young, at least part chow by the looks of him.  He looked a little hungry, but not unhealthy, not that Kakuzu was any kind of veterinarian or anything.  So he picked the whole box up and brought the puppy eye to eye with him. “You piss in my car and I’m feeding you to Tobi,” he told it flatly.

The puppy _wuffed_ at him and licked his nose hopefully.  “Hm. You’ve got shepherd in you, huh?” he muttered, eying the pup’s ears, and the darkening of its nose.  It only whimpered a little, so he sighed and put it in the truck.

He then promptly drove it to the nearest shelter and waited in line for fifteen minutes to talk to the woman at the desk.  She smiled up at him. “Do you have an appointment, sir? Er…” She trailed off as he set the box on the desk, and gave him a worried look.

“Found him on the side of the road.  Can you do any tests to see if he’s got any diseases?” Kakuzu asked.

“Oh… oh yes, of course.  Um… it’ll be a bit of a wait, though…”

“That’s not a problem.”  He could do without a nap, and Genma would sing if he took a day off.

The woman beamed at him.  “Wonderful! Please take the little fella and have a seat.  What’s your name?”

“...Chuushin.”  Why the _fuck_ was she so happy with him?

“Great.  I’ll call you when the doctor’s ready for you,” she said.

He just grunted, swept the box off the desk (and nudged the stupid thing back _into_ said box), and went to sit down.  While waiting, he texted Tenten. [ _‘What are you doing?_ ’]

[ _Watching tv. You?_ ] came the reply a few seconds later.

[ _Running errands.  You think about mix breeds, maybe?_ ] he asked thoughtfully.

[ _All the time. Better genes. Why? You have suggestions?_ ]

He looked up when his name was called, and shoved his phone in his pocket.  Then he scooped the dog up and brought him into the examination room. While they waited for the doctor to come in, as one of the aides weighed the pup, he responded with a simple, [ _Maybe._ ]

Soon enough, a man came in and they spoke some about how he came upon the dog.  He told him that he _might_ \- with full emphasis - have a place to bring him, if he was healthy and there were no problems.  He could see Tenten falling head over heels for the dumb thing, but he didn’t want anything like an unexpected heart defect to break her heart.  So he had the doctor check the pup out and, an hour later, took a picture of it.

[ _What do you think?  You want him?_ ]  Because the dog _was_ healthy.  A little underfed but otherwise he was fine.  And if he could save Tenten the headache of searching, well…  That would be alright.

[ _OMG. What._ ]

“Three hundred dollars?” he asked when the aide came out to give him the bill as he waited for her response.

She nodded.  “If you’re taking him, yeah.”

He almost hoped Tenten said she didn’t want the shit.

[ _Where?!_ ]

[ _Found him on the road, got him checked out.  Doc says he’s healthy. If you want him, I can meet you at the Zombie Den._ ]  There went three hundred dollars.  At least she was happy.

The replies came in after a delay. It didn’t take much to imagine her freaking out on the other end. [ _YES._ ] [ _15m ETA_ ] [ _You’re insane_ ] [ _Fuck. Where. Are. My. KEYS._ ]

Kakuzu chuckled under his breath and handed over his credit card.  [ _Did you check your pocket?_ ] he suggested, eyeing the till as the woman ran his card.  Three hundred on the dot. Maybe he could make it up later at the pool tables.  Hidan had tonight off…

[ _... NM. How much was the bill?_ ]

[ _I worked it out.  Don’t worry about it.  Don’t text and drive. See you there._ ]  Shaking his head, he took the receipt, grabbed the dog and headed home.

Halfway there he stopped and got a leash, a collar and some puppy chow.  Just in case.

 _Then_ he hightailed it the rest of the way.  By the sounds of things, Tenten had arrived first, if the yelling was any indication.

“-come by more often, fuck!” Hidan was saying as Kakuzu unlocked the door and stepped inside.

“Aww, I didn’t know you wanted to hang out with _me_ ,” Tenten crooned. “Besides, I always took Hinata out, that’s our thing. What? You thought we’d hang out at Neji-kun’s…” She coughed. “Nuh uh. Not with Hyuuga-san always hanging around.”

The puppy chose that moment to bark.  “Was that a fuckin’ _dog_?” Hidan demanded, sounding bewildered.

Kakuzu smirked as he toed off his shoes, balancing the box in one arm.  “What the hell does it sound like, idiot?” he shot back in a growl.

There was a yelp and a startled laugh as Tenten barrelled into the hall from the den and bounced over. “Can I? Can I hold him?” Her hands fluttered around the sides of the box as she leaned into his space to look in. “Oh my god, he’s adorable!” she said giddily.

He sort of thought _she_ was adorable, but he kept that to himself.  It helped that the puppy licked her nose at that moment and she became completely distracted.  “You can hold him, yeah, though I’d suggest taking him outside to piss. He hasn’t gone in a while.”

“He has a collar!” Tenten exclaimed as she lifted the wiggling fluffball out of the box. Cuddling the puppy close, she laughed around the excited puppy-licking and traced a finger along the new leather and its bright white stitching. “You got him a--and a leash?” He’d tossed that into the box too. She pinned her huge eyes on Kakuzu momentarily avoiding dog breath.

Shrugging, he ignored how Hidan was practically leaning into the hall to watch them - idiot - and nodded.  “It wasn’t a problem. You have the hard part anyway. Name him. Train him. All I did was find him. Although…  If you make any money off him, that’s mine.”

It wasn’t until the last part that Tenten came back to herself and grinned. “Uh huh. You’ve got a deal.” Freeing a hand, she ruffled the puppy’s ears, smiling even wider. “Thank you, _so much_ ,” she said, bumping her shoulder to his as he handed over the leash. Shoving feet into shoes, she snapped the leash on, but still didn’t relinquish the dog. “Okay! I’ll be right back!”

And the door thudded shut behind her, finally dulling the sounds of an excited puppy.

“You’re fuckin’ whipped,” Hidan announced from behind his phone.

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes.  “Fuck you. Are you video taping me?”

“Technically?  It’s a phone, asshole.”

“Technically, I’m _not_ going to beat the shit out of you.”

Hidan blinked and looked over the phone at him.  “You’re not?”

“You won’t be _able_ to shit when I’m done with you.”

Hidan laughed and took off, diving over the couch to dodge Kakuzu’s angry grab.  “I’m sendin’ this to _everybody_!”

“I will _kill you_ ,” Kakuzu snapped, tackling him over the couch.

The idiot’s hard head hit the floor with a thunk, and Kakuzu snatched his phone away.   _Message sent_ flashed on it.  “Prepare to be bird droppings,” he snarled angrily, and buried his knee in the fucker’s spleen.

Which was what Tenten returned to.  Hidan attempting to break Kakuzu’s wrist - unsuccessfully, because he was an _idiot_ \- and Kakuzu grinding the fool into the carpet.  They both looked up at the dog’s bark.

“Dogpile?” She asked sweetly, letting the damn dog loose to jump on them. “Don’t hurt the puppy!”

Kakuzu scoffed and looked at the thing.  “Same deal, mutt. Don’t piss in here either.”

“Oww…” Hidan whimpered as Kakuzu got up. Deprived of one target, the dog went after the other, and Hidan ended up with a faceful of dog tongue.

Laughing, Tenten wandered closer. For a brief moment, all Kakuzu could feel was _soft_ , _warm_ \--Tenten tightened her embrace for another second before letting go. Flashing him a bright smile, she folded down on the spot to sit cross legged near the “dogpile” and laughed.

“You still want me to hang around more, Hidan?” she asked.

Wine-red eyes opened to look up at her, and the idiot smirked.  “Are you serious? Fuck yeah.”

Kakuzu nudged Hidan’s kidney with his toes.

“Oh?” Tenten reached over and rubbed a hand over the puppy’s back, attracting his attention. As he launched himself at her, she grinned and tumbled the dog over onto his back, rubbing his belly. “You’re prepared to be a puppy target?”

“Eh,” Hidan responded intelligently, and rolled to his feet.  Kakuzu rolled his eyes as the moron rubbed his head gingerly. “Fuck…  Hinata’s gonna be pissed if I get a concussion again…”

Humming, Tenten looked up from the pup and gave Hidan a scrutinizing look. “I can get you a pack of ice if you want to sit down?” Because it would be just perfect if Hidan fell over and hit that spot twice.

“I can get it,” he replied, waving her off as he wandered toward the kitchen.

Kakuzu watched him go, making sure he was walking steadily, before redirecting his attention to Tenten.  “Did you want tea?”

Shaking her head, she gave him a wry grin. “Water would be great,” she said, glancing down quickly to keep track of the puppy as he wriggling loose of her hold and leaped into her lap. “That way--Oof!--if I spill, it won’t be bad.” She wrinkled her nose and laughed at the dog’s antics. “Okay, you. Down.” She pinned him down on the floor. “Down.”

“Water for the dog would be fantastic too,” she added, as the puppy whined and wriggled.

“I’ll look into it, then,” Kakuzu replied, and left her to her own devices.

xXx

Though it was something she had known would happen intellectually, Tenten hadn’t truly appreciated how much time having a new family member took up her time.

Those few minutes during breakfast? Cuddling the puppy.

Breaks between classes? Checking for messages with Xi about the puppy.

Coming home from college? Picking up supplies, both for human and dog.

Getting home? Take the puppy for a walk.

During homework? Cuddle with puppy.

Before dinner? Puppy training.

After? Playing with puppy.

Bedtime? Dealing with the puppy’s whining as he was stuck in the puppy crate.

Her social time with Hinata took a hit because they couldn’t take an excitable puppy into a lot of their usual haunts, but the local dog park suddenly became a new favourite.

Completely by chance, they ended up running into Kiba a lot of the time. His own big dog, Akamaru, was invaluable in herding the puppy back from wherever he had raced off to.

True to Hidan’s implications earlier, Tenten also started hanging out at the Den more often too. Half an hour or so, she’d stop by after the park and hang out with Hidan or Hinata or both as the puppy trotted around, usually tuckered out from so much running. Sometimes, they’d get lucky and the puppy would just fall over and sleep the whole time.

 _Un_ fortunately, her time with Kakuzu took a nosedive. There was no way the Workshop was safe for the dog and it wasn’t something Tenten would ever ask as a favor, not while the puppy was still so young. So, she texted him whenever she could. Phone calls happened too, sporadically as they were. Sometimes, she’d send him pictures of the puppy, but she tried to keep them to a minimum. He didn’t seem like the type to appreciate pictures of a dog he’d see eventually again.

This didn’t mean she never saw Kakuzu anymore. There’d be times that he’d be home when she stopped by. Twice, he’d seen them all at the dog park and come over to talk, albeit briefly because he was on the way to somewhere else. A few times, Hinata offered to dogsit while Tenten studied and, for a few hours, she found herself back at the Workshop’s office pouring over textbooks while Kakuzu worked.

While having a puppy definitely took up a lot of her time, she thought she was doing okay with keeping in touch with her friends.

So when Hidan showed up at her doorstep one day, demanding the dog for the next four hours, Tenten wasn’t sure what to think.

“Not that I don’t appreciate the offer? But… why?” she asked, one hand holding the door open, while the other held onto the puppy’s leash. She’d just been about to take DiDi for a walk after getting home from school.

“I’m gettin’ paid for this shit,” Hidan replied succinctly, shrugging.  “The Bastard wants to hang out. It’s his day off, apparently.”

Blinking, Tenten barely registered the movement as Hidan reached out and plucked the leash from her hand. “Since when does he have a day off?” She’d seen his schedule. It was insane.

DiDi yipped and tumbled all over Hidan’s shoes. “Um… Thanks?”

“Yeah, not a problem,” Hidan said with a smirk, and jerked his thumb to indicate the idling car.  “I’m meeting Hina nearby anyway. So piss off. I’ll take care of the mutt.”

Laughing, Tenten shoved his shoulder, stepping out her door finally. “You get lost. No one likes loiterers.” Grinning at his jeer, she leaned down to ruffle DiDi’s ears. “Be a nuisance,will you?” He barked. “Good boy!”

Kakuzu looked amused as she slid into the car a few moments later.  “There’s a festival the next town over. You interested in checking it out?”

“Ooo, that’d be fantastic,” she replied, thinking of the various food stalls. “It’s the Mochi Festival, right?”

“Yeah.  Although if you’re planning on eating a lot, you can cover your own food,” he told her wryly.

Grinning, Tenten tilted back her seat and just appreciated the sunshine for a bit. “As if you’re not gonna want to try everything there,” she teased him back. “But that’s fine. I owe you for getting me free today, so I don’t mind covering the food costs.” Hell, she still hadn’t wrangled the vet bill amount from him yet. She owed him for DiDi. Food was nothing.

“ _Your_ food costs.  I can cover my own,” he grumbled, and slanted a glance her way when they paused at a light.  “Unless you’re planning on this being a date.”

Tenten snorted. “Kakuzu, what else would you call this?” She laughed. “And isn’t this _your_ planning anyway?”

“Well, yeah.”  He shrugged with a smirk.  “Fine, in that case, you buy the food.”

She pointed a finger at him. “That means you’re covering everything else,” she warned him. “There are a _lot_ of other things to spend money on.”

Kakuzu snickered.  “That’s fine,” he agreed.  He was quiet a minute as he navigated traffic, then, “You any good with the games?”

“You planning on conning the cons?”

“Oh yes.”

Snorting, Tenten shook her head. “This isn’t a date then, this is a field work.” She hummed. “I’m good with anything with throwing. Passable at archery. Don’t ask me to do anything with those paper nets and fish though.”

“That’s fine, I’m adept at them,” he replied mildly, smirking at her again.

Rolling her eyes, Tenten ignored the smirk. “What’s my cut?”

“Hm.  Forty percent.  I’d give you fifty, but that’s funding.”

Tenten blinked. She should have expected that he’d be serious about splitting the winnings. He probably wouldn’t be happy to know that she’d be taking her portion and throwing it at Hinata. Sure, DiDi was a cash sink, but she had Xi helping her too.

“How do you usually do this kind of thing?” she asked, imagining him goading bystanders into taking bets. “Those stalls don’t give back cash prizes, so how would you be making money off them?”

“Sell the valuable prizes, con people into taking bets, things of that nature,” Kakuzu said.  He looked thoughtful. “Hidan once pissed a game stall vendor off badly enough for him to bet all his winnings on it.  We got nearly three hundred dollars off that one.”

“You know what the terrifying thing is about you two?” she murmured. “It’s not that you’re rigging the games or anything either. Just pure skill.” She shook her head. “That’s impressive.”

Kakuzu shrugged, looking uncomfortable.  “Yeah, well… We used to cheat. Steal, sometimes, even.”

Relaxed as she was against her seat, Tenten watched him glance at her, then away. “Hmm. This way is better then,” she said, refusing to make a big deal of his reveal. “Even if you’re caught now, it’s not like they can arrest you or anything.” Filling Hidan’s shoes in this endeavour was going to be a tough job on its own without resorting to illegal means.

Huffing, he sped up when they hit the highway.  “True enough. I rather enjoy it, honestly. There’s nothing quite like seeing their faces when I beat them at their own games.  Repeatedly.”

Uh huh. Yeah, she could see that easily. He did that at the bar all the time. “What did Hidan do to get kicked out of this one?” She doubted she’d make the same mistake, but better to know that go blindly, right?

“He picked a fight with a vendor,” Kakuzu replied, and snorted.  “Kisame was working there that year. They got into a fight because Kisame wasn’t going to let him play.  So Hidan punched him. They both got kicked out.”

“I bet they said it was worth it.” The two in question probably didn’t care that they were tossed out, but Tenten could imagine a fuming Kakuzu left on the side, plans cut short.

“Hm.  They did.  Until I convinced the proprietor to allow Kisame to finish the festival on his stall,” he said thoughtfully.  “His condition being that they cleaned up their mess.”

Choking on a laugh, Tenten turned gleefully. What kind of stall was he working at again?”

“Grilled fish.”

“They overturned the unagi sauce pot, didn’t they?” Tenten dropped a palm over her eyes and chuckled. “Love that stuff, but I hear horror stories on how it’s made.”

He actually grinned at that.  “That’s not all they dumped over.  They wrecked a lot. Have you seen those two go at it?”

“... No?”

“You should.  It’s actually pretty funny.”

Tenten snorted. “Eventually, I’ll see it happen, I have no doubt.” Closing her eyes, she let the sounds of traffic fill the lull. “Hey, any idea if Pein-san is putting together another beach party this year? It was pretty fun last year.”

“It's likely.  If you want, you can take my phone and ask him yourself,” he replied curiously.

“Eh, maybe later. Just let me know if I’m invited?” she murmured back, feeling comfortable and drowsy. Apparently, running after DiDi everyday made her body hungry for any kind of rest. “Sorry, I may drift off here.”

“It's fine, you have time,” he said.  “Take a nap.”

Lifting a hand, she gave a faint wave and stifled a yawn in the same smooth motion. “Ugh. Will do. Thanks.”

Two seconds later, she was out like a light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note to self: Tenten needs to have a dog in the ST verse once she's out of high school. This is too cute to ignore.


	5. Approved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You make me want to kill people,” he muttered, and she wasn’t entirely sure she was supposed to hear it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eventually, Tenten and Kakuzu _will_ get together in the ST verse, but how and when?
> 
> Here's a scenario...

Kakuzu was on her doorstep at 10 in the morning on a Saturday.  “I have to go out of town for something,” he told her mildly, as if he couldn’t have just texted her.

They didn’t have plans. Neither Hina or Hidan had plans other than work so… “Okay?” She leaned against the doorjamb and waited. Did he want her to go with him?

“Would you like to come?” he asked, brow lifting.  “We would be gone several hours, though.”

Humming, she shrugged. “Sure! Where? And come in, I’m gonna get changed first.”

He bowed slightly and followed her inside, glancing around curiously.  Right, he’d never been inside her house before. “We’re heading to Suna.  I have to pick something up for my boss at the Red Room.”

“I’d say something about you being let off the leash, but we both know you run the place just like the Workshop.” Tenten waved at the couch in the living room as she headed for the stairs. “My dad is upstairs, so I just have to tell him I’m going out…” Spinning around on a thought, she pointed at Kakuzu. “If he comes down while I’m up, don’t believe  _ anything _ he says, okay?”

Kakuzu frowned at her.  “Fine. I don’t believe second hand knowledge without backing evidence anyway.”

For a moment, she wavered; Dad had family photos after all. Maybe she’d tell him about Kakuzu on the way out? But what if he came down anyway? “Well, okay. I’ll be right back.”

Taking the stairs two at a time, Tenten paused at the closed office door, giving it a sharp rap with her knuckles. “Dad! I’m going out for the day. You can have the leftovers for lunch!”

Sending up a quick prayer, she darted for her door. She was already pulling a shirt over her head when Dad knocked on  _ her _ door in return. “As if I’m having leftovers,” he retorted, thankfully leaving the door closed. “I think I’ll make udon.”

“Without me?!” she said in mock dismay. “You’re so mean!”

He snorted. “Says the lady stepping out to avoid cooking… Hmmm… I know that truck.”

“Shit.”

“Oh hohoho!” Even fading down the hall, Dad had a really disturbing cackle. “I  _ know _ that truck!”

“What about it?”  And Kakuzu sounded annoyed.  Great.

Tenten had never pulled on a pair of leggings so fast before. “DAD! Leave him alone!”

“Well, it belongs to you, so that’s why I find it interesting,” Dad was saying, as she charged down the hall. “Are you taking her out on a date?”

“I never called it a date.”  And why wasn’t that a  _ no _ ?!

“Ah, but do you  _ consider _ it a date?”

Tenten nearly skidded down the last four steps. “Dad, Oh my god, I will kill you. Stop asking weird questions!”

When she spotted Kakuzu, his calculating expression was on in full force, though his arms were crossed.  He looked scary like this, like he was trying to decide how to use her dad to his advantage. “No. The word date was never discussed.  It’s two friends hanging out. Unfortunately.”

_ Manipulative bastard _ . Applicable to both men. “Okay! I’m ready. We’re going. Dad, I’ll see you later. And yes, I have my phone with me. You’re seriously so much of a bother.”

However, when she tugged on Kakuzu’s arm, it was like trying to pull on a brick wall.  He wasn’t budging, just eyeing her dad like he was judging him. “Is this the part where you tell me not to hurt your daughter?”

Canting his head to the side, Dad raised a brow. “A little late for that, isn’t it? And besides,” he added as Kakuzu stiffened, “you two spend a lot of time together, I’m just waiting for it to be official.”

“Dad!” Tenten hissed, scowling.

And he had the nerve to roll his eyes at her. “Aren’t you tired of stringing this boy along, Tenten? This isn’t nice of you.” Oh God, he said it. In front of Kakuzu. She was going to die. And take him down with her.

“It’s her choice,” Kakuzu replied flatly, looking forbidding and disapproving.  “And none of our business until she chooses to make it so.”

Shrugging, Dad smiled. “Doesn’t mean I can’t state an opinion that I think both of you should hear.” Turning back for the stairs, he added over his shoulder, “Just saying you have my approval, Chuushin.”

Kakuzu tilted his head, watching the man walk away before looking at Tenten.  “I see where you get it from.”

Turning back from gaping at her dad’s “cool exit”, she glared at him. “Get what?” she demanded.

“Your ability to make an exit.”  He looked amused.

“Are you kidding me?!” Tenten threw her hands up. “I give up. You’re horrible. He’s horrible. I don’t wanna deal with either of you. Can we  _ go _ now?” Yes, she had just said she didn’t want to deal with him, but she wanted to bail even less. Because then this  _ disaster  _ would have happened for no reason.

Kakuzu chuckled and got the door for her.  “Let’s go, then,” he said, and smirked the whole way to that damned truck.

It was the truck’s fault, it had started this nonsense.

No, it was Kakuzu’s fault for not texting her. “Why didn’t you text me?” she grumbled as she climbed in. “I could have gotten ready before you got here.” Wouldn’t have taken minutes as proven just now.

He considered that for a moment.  “I wanted to surprise you,” he decided eventually, and shrugged.  “Surprise.” Apparently he was back to deadpan.

“Less a surprise and thoroughly humiliated,” she muttered, leaning back and sighing. “I can’t believe he said that. I thought he’d be happy I’m not jumping into a rebound relationship. Cuz that would be bad, right? For all involved?”

Kakuzu nodded.  “Yes. It would,” he said, though there was clearly more he wasn’t saying.  Sometimes, Kakuzu would do that- not say things because he didn’t want to influence anything when it came to her right to make decisions.

And sometimes, that trait really drove her up the wall.

“You wanna say something, say it.” She cocked a brow at him. “Good relationships need communication, right? If it helps, at this point it’s not going to change my opinion of you.”

He sighed, staring out at the road with intensity.  “It would,” he said softly. “But you’ve already moved on, haven’t you.”

“Kakuzu?” Did he mean from Neji? Thinking back, he still came up, but now a days, she was less riled up about him. It had gotten to the point where she could look back with a sense of humour about the whole thing. “What do you mean?”

He frowned.  “Don’t worry about it- no, I mean it.  I don’t want you to worry about it, I want you to take your time, feel like yourself again.”  He glanced at her briefly after he’d hit the highway. “I want you to… do what you want. Whether it’s being friends with me forever, or trying something romantic, or going for… someone else.”  The last made him grit his teeth, but it was kind of endearing that he was attempting to be okay with the possibility. “I don’t want you to do anything until you want to do it.”

Oh yes, very sweet of him. And completely not his character. If there was anything she knew about him, when he had something, he made sure to have it completely. It was in the way he had a mortal grip on the Workshop, how he  _ owned _ his death trap of a schedule for a career he plowed through everything in his pursuit or… Kakuzu didn’t do anything by halves. 

So in a way, it made sense that he was so very devoted to making sure  _ she _ was going into a relationship with him in the same fashion. Everything in and nothing to regret.

Smiling, she snuggled back against her door to watch him completely. There he was, the responsible driver, focused on the road. Never mind the white-knuckled grip on the wheel, or the way his jaw was working, or that his gaze seemed to flicker further to her side than was strictly necessary.

She really liked him. There wasn’t any possibility that she knew all his quirks by now, but… she knew the core of him. Which meant… 

“So, if I started dating, say… Kiba. You’re really be alright with that?”

A horn blared as Kakuzu nearly rammed right into the car ahead of them, and he jerked them back on course.  She was kind of regretting her positioning right now. “Are you a fucking idiot!?” he snarled at her angrily.  “No. I would not be alright with it. But I’m not going to fucking stop you from making your own fucking life choices!”

Snickering, Tenten waved her hands in a sad attempt at placation and rubbed her shoulder. “Just checking, sorry, sorry!” So much for responsible driver. Then again, she did start it. “You were starting to sound rather self-sacrificing there, and I was getting the chills.” Laughing, she folded her hands in her lap and looked up as it started to rain. “But back to earlier--What do you mean it’ll change my opinion of you? Isn’t it better that I know now rather than later, whatever happens?”

He gave her a frustrated look, like he was seriously considering throwing her out of the car and making her walk home.  Maybe. “What are you talking about?”

“Uhm…” She frowned back at him. “Maybe I heard that wrong? I had said whatever  _ you _ wanted to say wouldn’t change my mind about you, and you said it would?” Unless he was thinking out loud? “Right, never mind, but seriously, let’s not talk about me dating other guys for the rest of the day. I think I can  _ feel  _ your blood pressure spike from here.”

He sighed, loudly, grip easing on the wheel.  “You make me want to kill people,” he muttered, and she wasn’t entirely sure she was supposed to hear it.  “Did you eat? You’re paying for yourself, though.”

Hmm. Maybe she really should not have picked a random guy to test Kakuzu’s resolve. Not one Kakuzu knew where he attended class… and could find out his schedule fairly easily… and follow him home…  _ Sorry, Kiba! Start running now! _

“I ate,” Tenten replied, holding back a seriously bad case of giggles. “Made a big breakfast for everyone, there was even leftovers.” Which her dad was going to eat. Hmm. Would it really be a bad thing to commit to Kakuzu, here and now? Cuz her dad was right, if she was playing Kakuzu, it wasn’t nice. If she was unsure about him still… but she wasn’t. 

Was she still hung up on Neji?

“I suppose… I would be okay if Nej dated another girl,” she mused. “I wouldn’t envy her position at all, but if he found someone…” Lost in thought, she watched as the rain pattered against the windshield. “Not that I’m gonna  _ help _ him though,” she muttered, wrinkling her nose.

“Bitch doesn’t deserve your altruism,” Kakuzu muttered, taking an exit kind of angrily.  “I’m getting food.”

Giggling a little at his grumpy tone, Tenten grinned at him. “He doesn’t get my altruism, you’re giving me as much as you can, and… I think this is a really strange line of thought and I’m going to stop right there. You and altruism should not be in the same sentence, ever.”

He snorted, even as he made a beeline for a fast food place.  “I don’t do altruism. Ever,” he said flatly. “I do insurance and strategic decimation.  Possibly bankruptcy.” Was she witnessing his planning process? Was he planning to bankrupt Kiba?  Or Neji? Good gods.

“Uh… just to clarify,” she sat forward, trying to make eye contact. “I pulled Kiba’s name out of the most unlikely group I could think of. Seriously. No attraction whatsoever.” Which… could have been said about Kakuzu at the start, but oh hell was she  _ not _ mentioning that. The carnage would be appalling. Sai would want pictures.

And Hina would be so disappointed in both of them.

“Actually, in full disclosure, he isn’t from the bottom of the barrel. That would probably be Suigetsu.” There, someone who did deserve all the wrath of Kakuzu. Hopefully, it would save Kiba.  _ Sorry, Kiba! _

For some terrifying reason, that made Kakuzu smile.  “Did you want a drink?” he asked, gesturing to the drive thru.

“You smiled. It was scary.” She pulled out a five. “Iced tea, please.”

He took the money and got food for himself, and a drink for them both.  He didn’t, she noticed, give her back the change.

_ Price of being a shit-stirrer _ . She was okay with that. 

Humming, she blinked and studied his profile. “You know…” There was something else she was okay with. Or rather someone. 

Putting aside Nej, being unsure about someone new wasn’t a strange thing when dating. That  _ was _ the purpose of dating. He obviously wanted to date her, so half of the common doubts were dealt with right there. He was nice enough not to demand her commitment even as he asked for her time. What if it were the other way around? If he didn’t want her time?

Was she okay with  _ Kakuzu _ dating someone else while she was still around?

_ Oh, hell no. _

Tenten blinked again and took a deep breath in. Well.

He spoke up again once they were pulling onto the on ramp for the highway again.  “You going to finish that sentence?” he asked flatly. So grumpy.

Thoughts now settled in place and humming in contentment, Tenten flashed him a bright smile. “Not yet,” she said, enjoying the sight of his brows crunching together. “Ask me later. I’m letting something percolate.”

Kakuzu gave her a flat look, but settled into silence easily.

xXx

Ever since her vague and truncated statement, Tenten had been near vibrating with good cheer. It was nice, but strange. She’d always been the kind of person to wear her emotions openly, but this was… exceptional.

Finally, they got to Suna, and he pulled into a gas station.  “You should stretch your legs,” he suggested. It was a three hour drive, after all.  He eyed her curiously, pausing for a moment and wondering if she was going to bring it up again.

Perhaps she’d forgotten.  No, not likely. Whatever it was, it seemed to have sparked her good temper, if he was reading this right.  So it was something good. But  _ what _ ?  Did he miss something, between unsubtly threatening that  _ fucktard _ Inuzuka and reminiscing on beating Suigetsu half to death?

Probably not, but… it was driving him up the wall.

With a huff, he climbed out of the vehicle to pump the gas.

On the other side, Tenten shut her door and called out, “You want anything from the store?” She was grinning that same  _ happy _ smile, the living embodiment of anticipation. “My treat.”

Kakuzu gave her a suspicious glance, but decided she was sincere.  “Yes. A bottle of water would be good. A big one.” He hated Suna, but he hated the thought of dehydrating in the desert more.

“Gotchya. Be right back then.” And there she went, all but bouncing over to the glass doors. Some time soon, she was going to have to tell him what got her so wound up in a happy way. It had to be good, and hopefully it was something he could recreate. Even if it was just to refer back to this moment.

For the moment, he focused on filling the truck and paying for the gas via the card reader on the pump.  When she came back out, though, he looked up. “Are you ready?”

Holding up two bottles of water, she smiled back at him. “All set. Got these out of the fridge too!” Humming, she climbed back in with a plastic bag on her elbow swinging. “I got a bag of beef jerky if you’re interested,” she added, setting the bottles into the cup holders. “I don’t think you liked sweets?”

“Not really,” he agreed, sliding back into the driver’s seat.  He frowned at her unhappily. “You shouldn’t buy the ones in the fridge.  They’re more expensive.” Damn woman. What a waste of money.

Apparently, she didn’t agree, rolling her eyes. “It was either I get the chilled ones or I size down,” she said. “Ten cents for an extra third of water.” She wiggled her bottle at him. “You really going to ask me to return yours for a smaller lukewarm version?”

“No, don’t bother,” he said, picking the bottle up.  “You already bought it.” He opened it and took a sip.  It was better cold, but being cold in the desert meant they could charge more for the cooler drink that was basically just as effective as the warmer one… but he wasn’t going to argue the point, or attempt to explain it.  What mattered was that they had water. In the desert. Fuck he hated the desert.

Laughing, Tenten shoved him lightly on the shoulder. “You should see your face, Kakuzu. I should have brought a spray bottle.” Humming again, she grinned. “Or… my own bottles of water. In a cooler. With ice.” Sighing, she held her bottle against her neck. “Ooo, ice would have been fantastic.”

He snorted and rolled up the windows.  The things he did to not have to feel the fucking desert heat (or listen to her whine).  With a sigh, he clicked on the AC and cranked it up.

“Fuck the desert.”

The sharp crinkle of plastic heralded the burst of savory scent of smoked meat as Tenten broke the seal on the jerky. “Amen to that,” she said, pulling out a strip and holding it out, level with his mouth. “Want?” He wasn’t sure if she was joking or not…

Slanting her a glance, he took it out of her hand with his teeth and grinned at her around it.  Interesting that she hadn’t jerked back, only laughed at his antics. Very interesting.

“Pardon my fingers,” she said gleefully, picking out another chunk. “We’re really going to need the water,” she added a moment later after swallowing a bite. “This is spicy. I like it.”

He grunted in agreement.  “Spicy is the best.” He paused and reached past her, opening the glove box.  “There’s a GPS unit in there. Pull it out and input 315 Yamaro Drive.”

And it wasn’t just his imagination that Tenten was  _ frozen; _ taut as a bowstring as he brought his arm back. Only for a moment though, and then she was muttering something low and muffled around her mouthful of beef.

_ Very _ interesting.  And good. Maybe something he’d said had gotten through?  Maybe he was operating under hopeful wishes. Maybe he should pull over and grill her…   _ I hate wasting time, though _ …

It was tempting, but nonetheless, he kept driving.  “315,” he reminded her after a beat.

“I swear, I’m going to have that address burned into my brain,” she grumbled. “You want it on audio or do I just relay directions?”

“You can relay them, it’s fine,” he replied, thoughtfully.  “Why is it going to be burned into your brain?” He couldn’t help it, the curiosity was killing him, maybe literally.

Tenten huffed. “Never mind,” she said, eyes glued to the small screen. “Hey look, you’ve got another three miles til we take the east off ramp. Exit 78. Woo hoo.”

He shot her a look.  “Hm. Alright.” She really was acting very,  _ very _ strangely.  Returning his focus to the road, he determined to get this damn errand out of the way as quickly as possible.  “We should get lunch once I have the item. Do you have any preferences?”

In his peripheral, he saw her give  _ him _ a suspicious glance. No, he didn’t normally let things go, but she had to know he’d find out later, it was only a matter of time. She hadn’t explicitly said it was none of his business… 

Fingers tapping against the packet of jerky, Tenten hummed. “I’d ask if there was anything good in Suna, but I don’t know if I’ll get an answer you’re willing to sit down to. So. Air conditioning, ice cream, and cold drinks. How’s that for requirements?”

“That’s fine.  Although, the one good thing about Suna - the only thing - is their sandbeast tenders.”  Just thinking of them made him hungry. It just wasn’t the same ordering them to be shipped.

The crinkle-tap of her fingers paused. “What’s a sandbeast?”

“It’s a creature that’s native to Suna, burrows through the sands.  I think they were much larger before, but these days they’re about the size of a large dog,” he replied thoughtfully.  “I suppose the closest equivalent in Konoha would be… a massive, toothed worm?”

“What.” Tenten’s brows had winged up, eyes wide. “Are you messing with me?”

He quirked a brow, amused with her disbelief.  “No. They’re real. Very real. In fact, the locals treat them like we treat stray dogs, or coyotes.”

Taking a moment to lift up the packet of jerky and scrutinizing the ingredients, Tenten huffed. “Stray dogs with a wriggly body, no limbs, just lots of teeth… that they fillet and eat deep fried. Awesome. I’m watching you eat that.”

Kakuzu bit back the sudden urge to laugh.  “How long until the turn?” he asked, but even as he did, he spotted the previously indicated exit.  “Never mind. Where am I going from there?”

A faint buzz from her lap had her switching meat for tech. “Half a mile, left turn, forty-seventh avenue.” She frowned. “Half their streets are numbered, aren’t they?”

He sighed.  “I hate Suna.  I really hate Suna,” he replied irritably.

“What are you picking up anyway? And why you?” She fiddled with the GPS then pointed down the road. “Five more lights to go.”

“Because I know the woman who’s making it, indirectly,” he replied with a long sigh.  Honestly, he could have asked Haruno, but the bitch learned quickly- she’d charge him.  Frankly, this was cheaper.

Humming, Tenten leaned back. “But what is it?”

“A special pottery set, apparently,” he replied with a shrug.  “Haruno’s mother has taken up the hobby recently.”

“Ooooh.” A few more lights passed over head as she considered that before she burst out laughing. “Sak would charge you an arm and a leg, huh?”

“Absolutely, which is why I’m getting it personally,” he replied, chagrined.  He turned onto the next street, and glanced at her. “I’m glad you came with me.”  He was. With her along for the ride, it had been surprisingly fun. Not that he was going to say as much, at this juncture, but that was fine.  Some things didn’t need to be said.

Holding up the GPS, she grinned. “Yeah, I imagine the drive would have been dull as hell. Turn left again on twenty first street, four lights ahead.” There was a crinkle of plastic before another strip of jerky was held out. “Yes?”

He smirked.  “Yes,” he said, and snatched it out of her hand, lips brushing her fingers in the process.

His reward was hearing her sharp inhale and seeing her hand hover like that for a solid two heartbeats before she used it to hit his shoulder. “That’s it. You’re feeding yourself from now on,” she blustered. “I swear I felt teeth that time.”

Grinning, he simply chewed the jerky.  Once he’d swallowed, and turned onto the appropriate street, he slanted a glance her way.  “Tenten. I hope you’re not feeling uncomfortable. Are you cool enough? Your cheeks are red.”

“Shut up and watch the road. Twelve lights. Turn right… Golden Goose avenue?” Tenten held up the GPS. “That sounds like a gambling den, what the hell?”

“Maybe there was one there once,” he offered, brow arching.  “We should be almost there, yes?”

Tenten peered down at the screen. “Hold on. Naiyuri-san was so strapped for cash she had to find a place in an old gambling district?”

Kakuzu just shrugged.  “I don’t know. I’ve never been to her home before,” he admitted.  As previously mentioned, he hated Suna.

It could be a slum, but it could also be ritzy. Gambling locales weren’t always degenerate and wasn’t Naiyuri-san encouraged to move out here? They would have had to give her something nice or she wouldn’t have moved. Especially if it meant the neighbourhood was sketchy.

In any case, the further down the road they travelled, the bigger the buildings seemed to be. Tenten must have noticed that too. “Huh, I think that’s the first four story condo building I’ve seen out here. Maybe it’s not so bad.”

“Maybe,” he agreed vaguely, frowning.  Naiyuri-san lived in a house, didn’t she?  Or perhaps she lived in an apartment… He didn’t remember there being an apartment number attached to the address, had he misheard?   _ Did Iuzo simply not mention it? _  That would be just like the old man, forgetting important details.  It was frustrating.

Kakuzu should really fix that bad habit of his…

“You alright?” Tenten sat forward peering at him. “You just gave this really odd twitch.”

He forced himself to relax and nodded once.  “Yeah,” he muttered, looking for Yamaro Drive.  It shouldn’t be much further, right? “I’m fine.  Just want to get this over with.” Then go home and have a word with Iuzo.  After lunch, of course.

“Three more lights, then turn left on Yamaro. 315 is… half way down the block, it seems,” Tenten said. Humming, she held up her bottle. “Good thing I got the bigger ones. I’m almost out.”

“Yeah,” he muttered, then realized he was repeating himself and shook his head.  Preoccupied with  _ Iuzo _ of all people.  How ridiculous. Especially when he had a far more distracting young woman sitting next to him.  He glanced her way, seeing that her head was bent toward the tablet in her lap. A single hair had escaped her right bun, resting innocently on her cheek…

Drawing a short breath, he forced himself to focus on the road.  It would be stupid of him to get into a wreck because he was staring at Tenten.

He nearly congratulated himself on his concentration when a moment later she pointed out the road and he had seen it coming.

“So Naiyuri-san should be… Oh wow.”

Naiyuri’s street number was pretty visible from the road, which helped, and he was shortly pulling up.  It was a decent sized place - a house, not an apartment complex - with a couple floors and what looked like outside entrance into a basement.  There wasn’t really much of a porch, unless it was enclosed (which made sense, since, desert). The yard was fenced in, the gate left open. At some point, someone had arranged a rock garden out front, set to complement the stepping-stone walkway leading up to the stairs at the front door.

He parked and unbuckled.  “You coming with me, or waiting here?” he asked, looking over at her.

Grinning back at him as she was already turned to the door, Tenten raised a brow. “Oh, I’m coming. I haven’t seen Naiyuri-san for so long! How could I go back and see Sakura and tell her I  _ stayed in the truck _ .” Pausing as the hot air blew in, Tenten wrinkled her nose. “Though, if I say the AC is worth it, she may understand. Ugh.”

“Naiyuri-san probably has air conditioning,” he pointed out in amusement, even as he climbed out of the vehicle.  “Come on, then.” Heading up the lawn, and stairs, he knocked on the door and waited for it to be answered.

It didn’t take long before a familiar face pulled the door open, already wearing a smile.  “Kakuzu-kun, Tenten-chan! Welcome, please, come in. Take off your shoes at the door, please,” Naiyuri Shizuru greeted them warmly.

Naiyuri-san was an incredibly polite hostess, giving them tea and onigiri for their wait (it was nearly as good as Uchiha-dono’s) while she finished packaging Iuzo’s pottery.  Apparently she’d completed the glaze earlier that morning. The woman finally brought the pottery back, and accepted an envelope from Kakuzu. When she refused to count it, he took it back and counted it in front of her, to the woman’s amusement (“You never change, Kakuzu-kun!”) while Tenten just mused that it was good the woman knew him that well.

Once the business transaction was complete, and Kakuzu had written up a receipt for her, she made them wait a further ten minutes while she packed them some snacks for the road.  She also gave Tenten something to give to Sakura, and before long, they were stepping back out into the intolerable heat again.

“I hate the desert,” Kakuzu declared sourly, even as they made quick time back to the truck.  “Lunch?” The snacks hadn’t been terribly filling, no matter how delicious they were and the pit stop at the drive through had been too long ago.

Judging from the instant thumbs up from her, something more substantial was definitely a go. “So… sandworm tender bites?” Tenten shook her head with a grimace. “I can’t believe those words just came out of my mouth.”

He snorted.  “Yes. Absolutely.  I’ve been looking forward to this all day,” he declared firmly, as he started the vehicle.  He backed out of the drive carefully, green eyes focused behind them as he half twisted in his seat to look.

Then he switched gears and drove forward.  “Hm… Probably this way. We’re near downtown, I think.”

Over in the other seat, Tenten gave a grunt of exasperation and abruptly took her hair down. He’d noticed that the AC had been slowly working more of those renegade strands out of order and it seemed she had finally hit her limits.

“Do you need--Oi. Eyes on the road, Kakuzu!”

He shifted his attention back to the road, not at all sorry.  “Do I need what?” he asked as if he hadn’t been caught staring.

“The GPS,” Tenten said with a sigh. A quick glance to the side showed she was massaging her scalp. Had her hair gotten shorter? “Unless worm bits are far more popular than I can believe…”

“There’s a few places that serve them,” he replied, smirking.  “But not many, no.”

Leaning back with all that wavy froth of hair cascading down her front, Tenten dropped the GPS into the now empty bottle holder with a hum. “How did you even get around to trying that anyway? Was it a dare?”

He frowned at the road, eyes narrowed.  “...yes.” At her flat look, he swallowed a sigh and thought back.  “Hidan and I were skipping this training camp thing a few years ago- because it wasn’t actually teaching us anything but love and the importance of friendship, like that’s useful at all,” he said with intense derision.  “We drove all the way to Suna with Deidara tied up in the trunk of the car I had at the time. We actually forgot he was even there till he took out the taillights with his feet…”

Tenten burst into giggles, which was amusing because she tried to apologize at the same time. “Oh my god, I can’t believe I laughed at that, but okay, go on. Poor Dei!”

“Anyway, after we got pulled over by the cops and Deidara assured them we were just playing a harmless prank on him, we conned some idiot out of his car and realized he’d left about three days worth of pay in the glovebox.  We decided to get lunch,” Kakuzu went on. “Pulled up to a place that looked weirder than the rest, because Hidan wanted to try something exotic and wouldn’t shut up and Deidara claimed we owed him for saving our asses.”

He turned a corner, and realized he knew where they were.  “It was on the menu.” He shrugged. “Hidan was laughing, and doodling these stupid wolf mole hybrid things, because he’s an idiot.  The waitress came over and showed him a picture of an actual sandbeast, and he was of course enthralled. Because he’s an idiot. It was Deidara’s brainchild to dare me, offered me ten bucks.  Hidan upped it to twenty, so I ordered a serving.” He smirked at her. “Then three more.”

For moment, Tenten just stared at him, then rolled her eyes and flopped back into her seat. “Sometimes, I feel like my childhood would have been so much more interesting if I had friends like yours. Not that I’m itching to be thrown in the trunk,” she said as she side-eyed him, “but I don’t have stories like that. Just lots of travelling and competitions.”

“I’d have liked to have yours,” he replied after a beat, frowning.  He refused to think about his mother, about his uncle. “Guess the grass is always greener.”

Tenten coughed. “Possibly moot point, since our friends are mingling now anyway. So best of both worlds from now on?” She sounded like she was caught between a giggle and a cringe.

He slanted a look at her and smirked again.  “You’re going to regret saying that once you really start hanging out with that group of idiots.  And Itachi.”

Groaning, Tenten sank a little lower in her seat. “Right. Him. Can I possibly start with small doses?”

“What’s your problem with him?” he asked, curious.  If there was an issue she had with Itachi, he wanted to know.  He didn’t personally have much problem with the man, unless he pulled stupid stunts like getting into fights with Uzumaki….

“Why’d you bring him up specifically?” she shot back. “I don’t have a problem with him, he’s just… hmm… imposing in a non-confrontational way?”

He snorted.  “He’s the least stupid of our group, besides myself.”

Humming, Tenten waved a hand. “I think that’s kind of it? The two of you can be very serious. I mean, so’s Sasori, but he generally doesn’t interact unless someone’s dumb enough to poke him first. Anyway, you and Itachi. You can be very focused. Like, you always know what you want and are always on that path to getting it. There’s this… hmm…” She chewed on her lip, tucking her hand under her chin. “Laser-eye kind of thing? This isn’t going to make sense, but when you guys look at me, I feel like I have to step up or get flattened. Just imagining both of you in the same room is intimidating, but at the same time it’s a good challenge for me? Not sure how I’m gonna measure up though.”

She scowled. “Did that make any sense? Oh wait. Fuck.” Smacking a palm over her face, she groaned again. “He’s essentially your father-in-law or big brother and he has  _ standards _ .”

Kakuzu was quiet for a minute, frowning as he considered that.  “Well. He’s not my relative, no,” he said flatly. “But I understand what you mean.  Itachi is a formidable man, especially when he wants something. Sasori, however, is  _ also _ an idiot.”  Anyone that let their temper have that much control over them was an idiot in his book.

“Oh, good, you got that part,” Tenten said sarcastically. “But yeah, I’m perfectly alright with you, but Uchiha… I don’t really know him.” She shrugged. “I’m not opposed to building up a friendship though.”

“Good.”  He pulled into the parking lot for a local diner and parked.  “We’re here,” he added unnecessarily, popping the buckle. “Consider this payment for making the ride less than intolerable.”

Snorting, Tenten hopped out of the cab. “Oh my goodness, Kakuzu. You’re just piling on the charm today.” Barking out a laugh, she shook her head at his scowl. “I’m glad to be part of the amusement and you’re welcome, how’s that?”

He huffed and stalked toward the door.  Several people stared at them, probably because they were from out of town, and he didn’t wait to be seated by a waitress.  He simply took a table by the kitchen, a booth and gestured for her to sit with him. “So there was something you were going to say earlier,” he said, refocusing on what he really wanted to know.

At first, she blinked. A second later, her eyes widened and she started  _ giggling. _ For a whole two minutes, Tenten alternated between having her happy fits and trying to regain her composure. It was a cycle in itself: laugh, calm down, look at him, only to repeat.

Needless to say, Kakuzu was starting to get annoyed, but swallowed the urge to act upon it and sat back instead.  He crossed his arms and simply glared at her. He’d wait it out, then.

Slumped over her side of the table, Tenten’s giggles eventually subsided and she grinned up at him. “I had a bet with myself,” she confided. “I was pretty sure you’d wait til the food was at least here first, but this makes more sense; you’re not driving and we’ve don’t have any current distractions.” Biting her lip, she bobbed her head. “Sorry for that. I’m just a little giddy.”

At least she was taking this a little more seriously.  He was worried he’d have to strangle a bystander to get her to talk.  “About?” he prompted, eyes narrowed. He refused to give into hope, no matter what.  If this wasn’t what he hoped it was, no, what he  _ wished _ it was, it would just… frustrate him.  No hope. None. She was grinning at him again.

Taking in a breath, Tenten waved a hand between the two of them, before lacing her fingers together on the table and looking him in the eye. She was still smiling. “I’m done thinking about whether I’m ready. I’m done with second guessing myself.” She shrugged slightly, one side of her lips quirking up in a wry grin. “I’m done with pushing you away.” She tilted her head to the side and beamed at him. “So yeah, that’s why I’m giddy. I’m ready to commit to you, here and now.”

For a long moment, he simply searched her face, trying to decide if this was really happening.  He’d dreamed about it, actually dreamed about it, but… He wasn’t dreaming now. His arm hurt too much for that bullshit.  So it had to be real. This had to be real. Was he… was he really, finally, getting something he really wanted? Something that couldn’t be bought or threatened or cheated into his possession?  Not that she was a possession- He reached up and rubbed a hand down his face. That wasn’t the point. She was the point. She was all of the points. She… “Really?” God _ dammit _ his voice cracked.

Her smile had softened around the corners, but still she nodded. “I’ve just officially made myself available, and you’re the only one I want.” Tenten looked down and coughed. “Tried to imagine you dating someone else,” she muttered down at the table before looking back up, cheeks blazing. “Uhm… didn’t like the idea.”

Kakuzu drew a breath and let it out in a gust.  Wait, where the hell did he go from here?! That idiot managed it, somehow…  a date. A date. “We should go on a date, then.”

Giggling a little, Tenten looked around with a raised brow. “This doesn’t count?” she asked, before turning back to him with a knowing grin. “Or is this not up to standards for first date?” She offered him her hands across the table, wiggling her fingers. “Hmm?”

“It most definitely is not,” he agreed around a growl, looking down at her offered palms.  He reached back, taking them. This was a thing couples did. He’d  _ seen _ that idiot doing it with his woman.  “This is…  _ Suna _ , for starters.”  He found himself relaxing under her resulting laughter.  “Are you busy tomorrow night?”

Giving his hands a squeeze--and wasn’t that interesting, her fingers were  _ trembling _ \--Tenten shook her head. “Free after six,” she said. “Are  _ you _ though?”

He sure as hell would be, or someone was going to die.  “Yes,” he said firmly, and saw her smile.

Which was when the waiter finally appeared.  Lazy slacker asshole.

“Uhmm.” Tenten glanced up at the teenager then down at the menus laminated into the table top. Then she laughed, because he wasn’t letting her hands go just because there were options under them. He would need a better reason. “I haven’t even looked at the menu,” she said amused. “Kakuzu, could you go first? I’m just gonna...” She lifted up her wrists and peered underneath.

“Coffee,” Kakuzu bit out.  “And the sandbeast tenders.”  Hm. Best not to alienate the staff.  “Please.”

Tenten snorted before grinning up at the waiter. “I’ll have a Sprite and chicken strips, please.”

The boy nodded and jotted down.  “What sides do you want with that?” he asked politely, eying Kakuzu.

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes back.  What the fuck did he want? No sides came with  _ his _ meal, so he was talking to Tenten.  So why the hell was he looking at Kakuzu?

The squeezing of his fingers snapped his attention over to Tenten who was watching him with a wide grin. “Fries, please,” she said to side, without looking.

“Alright.  Seasoned or-” Even Tenten blinked at that.

Kakuzu scowled down at their hands, and must have made some noise or expression, because the boy quickly departed.  “Fucking hate Suna.”

Huffing a laugh, Tenten muttered, “What kind of fast food joint has different seasoned fries?” She tugged at him. “We could take this to go, you know?”

“It’s a diner, not a fast food joint,” he muttered, and took a deep breath.  “Maybe we should. I don’t like Suna in general, but they seem particularly annoying today.”  For some reason. That probably had a lot to do with the fact that he was now, almost officially, dating Tenten.

Tenten hummed. “I’ll take care of it then,” she offered. “Where do you want to go tomorrow?”

“I don’t know yet, I’ll do some research,” he replied, frowning again.  But the urge to do so lessened a little when he looked up at her. Reluctantly, he released her hands.  “I have to pay though.”

Shaking her head, Tenten stood up. “So stubborn. I’ll go tell them to pack our orders and to bring the machine by. I’ll be right back, okay?” Before he could respond, she leaned over and he nearly lost his breath; their faces were so close. “You look really rattled,” she whispered. “Consider this part of my apology for taking so long.”

What could he say to that?  Sighing, he nodded. “Fine. Don’t take too long,” he muttered, slumping back in the seat.  Pain in the ass woman.  _ His _ pain in the ass woman.

“Won’t take more than a few seconds,” she promised. “Just don’t bite the guy’s head off, okay?” Flashing him a grin, she made good on her word and went to hunt down their waiter.

He wasn’t entirely sure he’d let the staff survive if they annoyed him, though… but maybe he’d try.  For her.  _ Lucky bastards _ .

In the end, Tenten got back before waiter with the machine did. While he paid, Tenten seemed to entertain herself with perusing the menu properly, pointing out that they didn’t have many ice cream options, so that was something they could look for back in Konoha.

Which brought to mind that Kakuzu would be driving, for three hours in traffic, with Tenten. Something must have shown on his face, because she burst out laughing just after thanking the staff for the take away bags now on the table. She made the scenario even worse by quipping something about hand feeding him the worm strips while on the road.

At this rate, he was going to develop an oral kink.  One that had everything specifically to do with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Personally, I say, "Poor Kakuzu" a lot in regards to my cockblocking (I write Tenten). Which is quickly followed by, "He's going to eviscerate me."
> 
> Also: Sometimes, Tenten has parents around, other times, she has an older cousin Xi. It's a detail I still have to settle (at least for ST).


	6. Accept These Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Kakuzu, I’ve told that lady that I might trash your butchered corpse. If they _find your body parts in a dumpster_ , then I’m only fulfilling a promise. Do you understand me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This _was_ going to be the scenario where they got together in ST... but then, we kept writing other scenarios... and I've got a really bad habit of denying Kakuzu (or is this spoiling him with multiple samples?).

He had actually done it. The bastard was gonna pay. 

Eye twitching, Tenten stormed over to the washroom and banged on the door. “Kakuzu! Why is there a  _ cot _ in this room?!”

“Unless you plan on helping me out in here,  _ piss off _ until I’m done!” he snarled back at her through the door.

By now Tenten knew the many cues for Kakuzu’s wide variety of fury, and this one had distinct flavors of  _ I’ve-pulled-this-off-and-now-I’m-gonna-live-with-it. _ Victory, guilt, and nerves.

_ They had better be nerves of fucking steel. _ Tenten snarled back wordlessly and stalked to the luggage by the drawers. Then stood over them, clenching and unclenching her hands. What was the point in unpacking if they were just going to switch rooms anyway?

Because they were going to switch rooms. Oh, yes they were.

What the hell was Kakuzu’s issue? The hotel room had been booked and paid for by Tenten’s family without Kakuzu even having to contribute a dime. It shouldn’t matter to him. And she  _ knew _ this wasn’t a ploy to get into bed with her. In the  _ one _ bed that was in the room.

The cot didn’t count.

The cot was a waste of space and a disaster waiting to happen. Leaving the luggage, Tenten took the three steps over and pushed at the frame. It  _ creaked _ (“The  _ fuck,  _ Kakuzu.”). She lifted a corner of the sad excuse for a mattress. More a pad. It wasn’t even three inches thick. She couldn’t even say it was memory foam. And sure  _ she _ could fit on the narrow confines, but she’d fall off the moment she rolled over in her sleep, which she knew she did. Often. She wasn’t even sure if Kakuzu’s  _ shoulders _ would fit on the rickety, creaky, thin…  _ menstrual  _ pad.

There was the creak of a door, and an annoyed, “What are you doing to my bed?” as her  _ lovely _ companion emerged from the toilet.

“This,” she started, waving at it, “is _not_ _your bed_.” Whirling around, she returned to the bags and grabbed her purse. “In fact, this is not our room.” She side-stepped an arm grab and marched for the open entrance. “I don’t know what the hell you’re thinking, but _we need two beds._ ”

“We have two beds!” he retorted irritably.  “It’s either this-” she watched him mimic her arm movement of a beat before, “or I’m sleeping in the truck- actually, that’s probably cheaper.”  He suddenly grabbed his own stuff and started for the door himself.

“ _ You’re not paying for any of this, you idiot!” _ Tenten threw her hands up as he passed her. “We agreed. It was part of the deal. Why are you even bothered about this?!”

He scoffed as he moved for the stairs outside their room.  “Because  _ I _ have a sense of--”  He had better not say  _ honor _ , “--money!”  Of course he did.  Of fucking course. “And I won’t let you waste your money on my oversized ass.  I already took care of it, don’t worry.”

“It isn’t that much more for a proper second bed!” It was  _ so _ hard not to yell, but oh man… “And what do you mean  _ took care of it _ ?” And nope, she wasn’t gonna--well, in for a penny. Since money  _ clearly meant so much to him _ . “Your ass is  _ not _ oversized,” she hissed as they near raced down the steps. “Your damn ego is!” 

He snarled under his breath, stomping toward the suddenly terrified looking desk woman.  “Make her room a single, take the cot back. I’m sleeping in the fucking car,” he growled at her, receiving a quick nod and wide, horrified eyes.

“Idiot!” Tenten hissed at him again as he left her, standing alone, the attention of the entire lounge area on her. He was just reaching for the doors when she smiled and said clearly through her teeth to the booking clerk. “He’s wrong, it’s supposed to be a two double bed room.” She turned just enough to keep his rigid back in sight and  _ grinned _ at the woman. “It was booked as such weeks ago.”

She stammered, face paling.  “O-okay… Sh-shall I put it on different checks?”

“What kind of  _ fool waste of money _ would that be!” Kakuzu hissed, spinning to face the woman, who brought a clipboard up to hover in front of her like a shield.  He glared at Tenten. “And  _ you’re _ the idiot!  Paying for a bed that’s not going to be used is foolish!”

She ignored him. “Nah, make that the same--Wait.” The poor woman (Daphne) cringed. “What credit card is on file?” Because, he  _ wouldn’t _ . Why would he?

Daphne quailed under Kakuzu’s glower and looked it up with shaky hands.  “Ch-chuushin Kakuzu…? It’s a Visa…”

“What the fuck?!” There was no ignoring this. Nope. Not a snowball’s chance in hell. “You know what?  _ Yes. _ Put this on a different card, check, whatever. I’m not using his money.” She slapped down her own card--it was  _ her fucking trip _ . “Still a two double.”

The front door slammed hard enough that it bounced open again behind him on his way out it, and Daphne nearly dropped her cover- clipboard, she jumped so badly.  She looked out the door and leaned closer to Tenten in sincere worry. “Do I need to call the police? Is… is he going to hurt anyone?” she whispered, eyes wide.

“Oh, he’s not going to hurt anyone,” Tenten assured her. “ _ I’m _ going to hurt someone.” She pushed back from the counter. “If I need security, it’ll be because I’ve lost whatever little respect I have for him and they’ll need to pull his bloody bits out of the trash can.”

Following in his footsteps, she glanced back and smiled serenely. “Oh, and strike his card off the record, alright?  _ Ban it _ , if you can.” She smiled harder. “He’s not allowed to use his card here.”

And out the door she went.

“Kakuzu, get your ass back over here!”

xXx

Kakuzu all but ripped his phone out of his pocket, looking down at the blinking screen.  ‘ _ I sense a disturbance in the force.  You piss off Buns yet? _ ’

He sneered and leaned back against the truck, shoving the phone back in his pocket even as he heard the front door of the hotel open again.  He wanted to laugh at her following angry yell of, “Kakuzu, get your ass back over here!” She was glorious when angry.

“Piss off,” he snapped back, stifling his glee.  He was in such a strange mood today. He blamed that damn ad.  “Or get in the truck. Your choice.”

She had a cute glare. And more… she got into the truck without wrenching the hinges, nor slamming. “What the hell is wrong with you?” she snarled from  _ inside _ his vehicle. “What  _ fool waste of money  _ was it to switch the cards? That doesn’t even make sense!”

He climbed in too, and started the truck.  “I felt like being stingy.”

“No, that doesn’t work. You went from a free room to paying for--Where are we going.” That was less a question and more a flat demand.

He didn't smother his smirk this time.  “The restaurant.”

There would be a wrinkle, just so, between her brows. “The,” she repeated, deadpan. “You want to have this loud  _ discussion _ in a public place.” There was a soft huff of displaced air as she dropped back against her seat. “What.”

“Think of it as an apology for winding you up, if you like,” he replied, shrugging.

A beat of silence and then, “Kakuzu, I’ve told that lady that I might trash your butchered corpse. If they  _ find your body parts in a dumpster _ , then I’m only fulfilling a promise. Do you understand me?”

He gave her an impressed glance at that.  “You really said that?” he asked, and nodded.  “Huh.”

Her dominant arm  _ twitched _ . “Not the point.” But she was already relaxing. “I really hope I closed the door to our room,” she muttered, cutting her eyes his way. “My stuff is still up there at the very least.”

“It's fine.  If you didn't and someone takes your stuff, I'll retrieve it.”  And break them.

“Uh huh.” She snorted. “If that does happen, can you promise me two things?”

He slanted her a quick look.  “What things?”

“One, when you dispose of the body or bodies, don’t pick a dumpster. Two, you and I had better have an ironclad alibi.”

Kakuzu snorted.  “Oh. Obviously. I'm not an amateur.”

In the other seat, Tenten tilted over to lean against the door, her face turned towards him and stared. After a few lights, she said with a frown, “You just could have asked me out to dinner.” She huffed. “Actually, why ask? It’s not like I’m going to eat without you while I’m here, you’ve got to realize that, right?”

“Of course I do.  I was also worried you'd shy away from anything at all resembling a date,” he replied flatly.

“Ah… yeah. Point.” She rubbed a hand over her face and sighed. “Sorry, didn’t think of it that way.” Oh, fucking  _ fantastic _ . “Just, with the whole road trip and sharing a room thing, eating together seems like… common sense?”

He hummed noncommittally at that.  “There it is.” He eyed the quaint tea shop, very old fashioned with a sushi bar as well.

“Hey, Kakuzu?” Sometimes, there was just the way she said his name. It made him pause and wait. And do so willingly. “Wanna make it an actual date?”

It was a good thing they were already pulled into a parking space.  He froze completely, then whipped around to look at her. “Tenten. That's not a bad joke, is it?” he asked, gripping the wheel for dear life.

She gave him a smile, fragile with nerves. “No.”

He didn't even hesitate at that.  “Then yes.”

“Okay then.” She blinked and shivered. “Yeah.” Glancing out the window, she took in the tea shop and laughed a little. “C’mon then. I think you’ve been waiting long enough.” Tenten looked back at him and smiled. “Thanks for that.”

Kakuzu actually smiled in response.  Not a smirk, or a leer, but a smile, and he didn't even mind.  He got out and almost made it around before the fiercely independent woman exited the vehicle under her own power.  He snorted at her smug look and swept an arm toward the shop. “ _ With _ you, then.”

Her laughter was a bright and shining thing. Free and unexpectedly deep. “Not that I don’t trust you at my back,” she said, capturing and winding her arm through his, “but I have a feeling that I  _ shouldn’t _ .”

Kakuzu shrugged at that, walking with her to the building.  He got the door, amused. “I'm perfectly trustworthy.” Pause.  “For you.”

Heh, she gave him such a look. “You’ve got eyes. You’re male. You’re alive. Yes, I have an ass and I know it.” She arched a brow. “You’re telling me you don’t look?”

“Oh, is that what we're talking about?  Then I'm not trustworthy in the least bit,” he shot back.

And there was that smile again. “There we go.” Glancing around at the scattered tables, she waved at the wait staff. Then her smile gained a wicked edge when she noticed it was a self seated arrangement. “Hmm, if you would,” she said, gesturing forward.

He laughed softly but obliged, walking toward a table in the far back.  He sat down and shot her a smirk. “Happy?”

She sat down, tilted her head and gave him a coy considering look, that quickly broke into a wide grin. “Of course.”

Kakuzu grinned sharply and Tenten’s phone suddenly started ringing.  He groaned.

“Why do I think you know who is calling me before I’ve even taken my phone out?” She pulled out her phone, brow raised, and watched him as she answered without looking away. “Hello?”

Kakuzu could hear Hidan across the table.  “ _ Why isn't that fucker answering?  Did he die? Do I have to fucking avenge his dumb ass?!? _ ”

He scowled, she rolled her eyes and still didn’t lose her grin. “He’s alive. I’ll tell him you missed him. I’m sure he misses… actually probably not. But don’t call back til tomorrow, kay?” There was a squawk. “And tell Hina, yes, I’ll be texting her later.” Her smile ticked higher. “She’s not allowed to call either. In fact, my phone’s going on silent.”

“ _ Oh fu- _ ”  Kakuzu laughed as she hung up.

“He's an idiot.”

And then  _ his _ phone rang. Tenten covered her mouth and started to giggle as she pressed a few buttons, presumably to set her phone on silent.

He picked it up and put it to his ear.  “Fuck off. I'm  _ busy _ .”  Then he hung up and turned off the phone.

At that, Tenten downright cackled. “Oh my god,” she said between gasps. “We are so going to get it when we go back, but can you imagine his face right now?”

“He's probably apoplectic.”  He looked amused.

One hand still curled up by her mouth, Tenten chuckled as she tucked her phone away. Then she looked up, caught his gaze, and started laughing again. “You look  _ so _ smug right now, it ought to be illegal,” she told him. His expression must have said something, because she shook her head at him and  _ blushed _ .

There was a lull as the waiter dropped by, then a flurry of half-thought of decisions regarding food. Tenten hid her eyes behind her hand in embarrassment--neither of them had even looked at the menus on the table. After their orders were taken and they were left alone, she dropped her hand, revealing a soft contemplative look.

“I really am happy, you know?” Her lips quirked. “My reasons were pretty mucked up for dragging this out for so long, but… I haven’t thought of him for months.” Blinking, she glanced down, sipping at her water before looking up through her lashes. “I can really focus on you now.”

His lips pulled into a small smile.  “Then it was worth the wait.”

“Then, no more complaining about two beds in a room?” she asked, one brow quirking up.

The grin turned wolfish.  “If you insist.”

It proved just how well she had gotten to know him when her eyes narrowed. “What’s that gonna cost me?”

And then he was frowning thoughtfully.  “3200 Ryo.”

“Ugh.” She rolled her eyes. “How about we limit your complaints and I pay you in kisses?”

A shrug answered.  “I believe you're getting the hang of haggling.”

Tenten started to say something, then paused. “Were you really going to sleep in the truck?” she asked finally.

“I thought about it.  It's cheaper. But I don't fancy a hurt back in the morning,” he admitted.

“What I don’t understand is why switch the cards in the first place?” She leaned forwards, elbows braced on the table, hands gesturing. “Why did you want to pay for the room?”

He blinked at her around a sip of tea.  “Because I'm stingy.”

One slim finger raised up, for once not the middle digit, and was waggled in front of his nose. “Essentially, you were gonna stay for free, but then you decided to pay. How is that stingy?”

“I'm stingy because I don't want you to have to pay too much on your vacation trip,” he replied in amusement.

She gave him a puzzled look, but had to settle back as the waiter arrived with the food. By the time the staff had cleared off, Tenten was shaking her head. “I think we have different definitions of the word,” she muttered. “I’m just glad those two beds are mine for sure now. I didn’t want you sleeping on a cot, but I’m not sure where else you’d have slept,” she narrowed her eyes at his sudden grin, “besides the obvious.”

“I don't know what you mean,” he replied innocently.  Or… as innocently as he could pull off. By her expression, it was a failed effort.

“Bullshit.” She crossed her arms and scowled.

“Ok.”  He dug into his food, inwardly laughing as she scowled harder.

She shook her head with a huff and reached for her own meal before muttering, “I swear to Kami, it’s like you enjoy making me mad.”

“I'll be sure to let him know,” he replied drolly.

There was a blink, and then a groan. “One day, Kakuzu, you won’t have an answer to everything. And then I’ll be laughing.”

He just smirked and pointed at her plate.  “Just eat. It'll be a while before that happens.”

“Trust me, I’m really looking forward to it.” 

xXx

Registration and sign ins at the competition didn’t open until tomorrow afternoon, so there was no rush to do anything but wander around and settle into the hotel. While there was a mall nearby and a recreational park, but Tenten didn’t feel like toting Kakuzu into a crowd filled with children would be a good idea.

“--that’s great. Thank you so much for doing that; you’ve been a wonderful help. Yup, bye bye.” Leaning back against the truck, Tenten tucked her phone away again as Kakuzu watched. She hummed, and ignored his amused mug for now. “There’s a few things we can do tonight before heading back--Don’t look at me like that, you pervert, I don’t mean  _ that _ . Anyway. There’s a theme park that opened today, Halloween and all. I think we could catch a movie, one of the last shows maybe? Or… just walk around.” She shrugged. “Wouldn’t mind any of them.”

“The theme park sounds good,” he replied.  “The sights are always interesting, if nothing else.”

Umm… “There will probably be kids.”

He blinked and frowned.  “You don't like kids?”

“I--Wait.” Because this was very important information.  _ Very  _ important.  _ Play it cool. Be… what was the word? Nonchalant. _ “I’m fine with them. You?”

A single brow arched.  “Of course. They just don't usually like me.  I'm scary.”

Blink. “You don’t yell at them, do you?” Even though it was him, she couldn’t imagine him yelling at ankle biters. It’d be a waste of time and any info he needed would be best gleaned from older subjects. And it wasn’t like he’d want their lunch money either.

“Obviously not,” he said, sounding and looking mildly offended.  “I just look like a monster, in case you didn't notice.”

_ What? _ She stared at him. “Who told--What? No. I mean, taking into consideration your resting bitch face, sure you look frightening, but you’re no monster. Who the hell told you  _ that _ ?”

He looked amused.  “Resting bitch face?” he echoed, smirking.  “You certainly have a way with words.”

She pointed a finger at him. At his nose, to be precise. “No. Shut up. Answer the goddamn question, because I feel the need to hurt someone.”

Kakuzu’s fingers curled around her own extended digit, and he pulled her hand away from his face.  “Tenten. Relax. It’s simply an accurate self observation.”

“The word ‘monster’ is very specific,” she retorted, refusing to acknowledge--even if there was some mental flailing going on--that he was  _ still holding her hand _ . And don’t think she didn’t notice her name tossed into negotiations.

Sure, his eyes were ridiculously bright green, and his brows were prominent. He scowled and yelled a lot, but they were talking about him interacting with kids, and he already said he didn’t yell at kids. And Kakuzu was the epitome of brutal honesty. Of the said word anyway. Good luck with what he didn’t say. But that meant…

Dragging her attention from his mouth--when did that happen exactly?!--to his eyes, Tenten narrowed her own. “Nope. Not seeing the accuracy. What exactly is so bad about how you look?”

Something in his expression softened, and his hand moved to rest atop her head, a slight, actually  _ sincere _ smile making him look years younger.  “Thank you, Tenten,” he murmured. “Don’t worry about the past.  It’s dead and gone, and I don’t regret that at all. Not with you standing here saying such sweet things.”

“Uh huh.” Oh, he was such a nice guy to say that. Didn’t matter a flying fuck though. She tugged his wrist down from over her head and used it to wave his hand at himself. He raised a brow at her antics. “The way I see it, I’m not dealing with the past at all. I’m defending your friggin self image, which is totally present and misinformed.” The man had an ego the size of Manhattan, how did this even happen? She couldn’t even blame Hidan for it, because Kakuzu would just flatten the guy for any offence given. Did in fact. Repeatedly. Violent deviants the both of them.

Oh Kami, this is what she had signed up for. Internal angst, wasn’t that an Uchiha thing (Alright, so Hyuuga too)? Why couldn’t they be simple boneheads?

Tenten sighed, letting go of his hand and propping hers on a hip. She looked him up and down blatantly.  “However,” she finally said, “you are allowed your opinion.” Cocked her head to the side and really considered him. “Myself, I’d never call you cute to your face, but you do well in the ruggedly handsome category.” And she was going to  _ ignore _ how badly she was blushing. With a vengeance.

Kakuzu snorted.  “Thanks,” he replied dryly, but put an arm around her shoulders and tugged her close as he redirected their trajectory.  Mostly her toward the cab of the truck. “So. Theme park, then?”

“Yes, please.” She put a hand over her eyes, unwilling to look up. “Just. Don’t let me talk for a bit. God. I’m embarrassing myself.” Not to mention,  _ Hello _ , this was the most physical interaction they’ve ever had? She wasn’t sure if she liked the weight over her shoulders. She didn’t know if she wanted to press into his side or keep the cautious barely sustainable inch between them.

There was a buzz in her chest that sparked whenever her arm brushed his side. She could feel the heat of him seeping through his clothes and into hers.

If she looked up… How close would their faces be?

“Alright,” he murmured, and nudged her.  “But climbing into the truck is probably easier with your eyes open.”

Middle finger. Right there. In his face. She wasn’t saying a word. And thank you, Mr. Smug, her eyes were open just fine.

She only barely moved it before his teeth came down, though, and he was audibly laughing at her now, even as he pushed her toward the passenger’s seat.  Prick didn’t even get the door for her.

While he circled around, chortling, Tenten shivered and rolled her shoulders. Hmm. Yeah, she was sure; she liked the weight. And the warmth. And oh dear Kami, it was too easy to be candid with him, but the electric rush she got from riling him up and yelling back at him was too good to deny.

Popping the door open, she slid into the seat with a morose thought.  _ I’m going to end up a violent deviant _ .

And she kind of liked the idea.

xXx

The first five minutes of the drive were silent, leaving Kakuzu plenty of time to think (re: brood).  It wasn’t actually Tenten’s fault, but despite his evasion of the topic, he couldn’t help thinking of the past, as he’d put it.  Thinking of Makie and Turon, his aunt and uncle. Of course, Makie had died years ago, thank the gods. There were small mercies for the good ones, but the rest?  Well, his bitter uncle was still alive and kicking, if that was any indication.

Smothering the urge to sigh, he slowed for a light.  Makie had been wonderful, a truly beautiful person, inside and out.  It was she that made his childhood worth living, that kept him somewhat sane, that taught him how to add money together.  Turon, however… He’d always been an abusive shit. First just to Kakuzu, who bore it for fear of his aunt getting involved, but then to her as well.

_ Fuck I’m getting angry. _  He drew a slow deep breath and forced the past out of his mind, shooting a glance at Tenten.  Her gaze quickly darted away from his face, and he couldn’t help a small smile. It was nice, actually, to be appreciated.  It was nice to be on anything resembling a date, even. ... He should look into funding Hinata’s college career.

A soft sound of frustration heralded a very quiet murmur of “Aw, fuck” that he wasn’t sure he was supposed to hear, then, “Um, so, when we get there, could you drop me off at the entrance? You can go park the truck, and I’ll get us tickets.”

He considered it.  It would be easier on his wallet…  “Do you have enough for that?” he asked, almost regretting it.   _ Almost _ .

The sudden slump of her shoulders was so… Gods above, but sometimes she was just so damn obvious, it was endearing. “Yup. Totally have enough!” she chirped, the bright screen of her phone dancing in his peripheral.

He paused for a moment, and sighed.  “Don’t kill my pride here, Tenten. You got to hog paying for the hotel.  I have to pay for this, okay?”

Those delicate shoulders sprang up again. “No~o, you don’t.” Her fingers started tapping on the console between them. “The hotel was always going to be my responsibility. And now this,” she waved off at the distant glitter of lights on high arches, “is my idea, so also my responsibility. Look, you can pay for whatever we need  _ inside _ the park,  deal ?”

Nodding, he promptly agreed.  “Okay.”

“You--” Tenten turned around completely this time, suspicion in every line from her narrowed eyes to the arch of her spine. “That… was too easy.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” he replied as blandly as possible, keeping his expression serene as he pulled up to the gates of the theme park.  “Go on, go get them. I’ll meet you back here in a few minutes.”

“Sure you don’t,” she muttered, getting out. “We’re setting a budget,” she warned him before she closed the door. “You are  _ not _ getting carte blanche on this.”

Kakuzu just gave her a smile and pulled away from the curb.  He found a parking spot quickly, cutting off some douche in a camaro, and texted Hidan to make Hinata some good breakfast or something.  Hidan responded with a, ‘ _ What the fuck?  Since when do u care the fucking quality of her breakfast? _ ’

He rolled his eyes and didn’t bother responding to that.  ‘ _ Just do it.  Idiot. _ ’

‘ _ What the fuck ever.  Piss off, bitch. _ ’

‘ _ Cunt. _ ’  Kakuzu climbed from the cab and ignored the glare of the douche, who’d taken a spot three lines over, further away from the street.  He headed to meet up with Tenten, a bit more eagerly than typically.

Which quickly slid into a cold rage when he caught sight of her. Her and the tall flirtatious idiot in a bright shiny new jacket and too much hair gel.

He scowled darkly as he watched her grimace up at the boy, who had her backed up against the outer fence skirting the park.  He had one arm braced against the metal, leaning down with this smug grin on his face as he spoke to  _ Kakuzu’s date _ like he had any right to make her so uncomfortable.  Damn her and her tendency to be nice. He knew for a fact that she could break that idiot’s nose before he knew what was happening!  Not that Kakuzu was angry with  _ her _ , just exasperated.  The moron, though…

Tenten saw him approaching behind Idiot Number 2, and he could see in her face the inward debate about whether to warn the guy.  He couldn’t have been more proud that she kept her mouth shut.

“-some pizza, maybe the ‘haunted hall of mirrors’, how’s that sound, babe?”  Idiot was  _ British _ , of course.  That made  _ so much sense _ .   He thought his accent was going to do most of the work for him.

“Sounds like fun,” Kakuzu growled through gritted teeth, watching amusement flick over Tenten’s face, smothered almost immediately.  “When do we start,  _ babe _ ?”

The man turned, looking at first disgusted, then uncertain as he came face to jaw with the taller male.  “Who the bloody hell are you?”

“This would be my date,” Tenten said, stepping around the guy and to Kakuzu’s side, offering the press of her shoulder to his side in solidarity. “So, no, I wasn’t ditched. Thanks ever so much for your concern.”

“Tch.”  The blond scowled up at Kakuzu, who met his gaze and wordlessly dared him to try something.  “Fine. Have fun, bird.” He waved carelessly and entered the park. Douche number 1 made an appearance and went after him.

Kakuzu grumbled.  “Can I break him?”

Her brow twitched. “Not before I do.” Shaking her head, Tenten leaned into him briefly before stepping away. “He didn’t touch me, just talked. So nothing that bad.” She slanted a look at him, before grinning. “I know there are cameras watching, but all the same, thanks for not tackling him.”

Sighing, he crossed his arms.  “You’re welcome, I guess. Would have welcomed the action, though.  At least I get to see what you can do tomorrow, mm?” He smirked at her.

Tenten was holding out a ticket for him when she blinked, the pale yellow paper fluttering in her grasp. “Yeah, that’s true. Though I think it’ll be kinda boring for you,” she said, her lips curling up in a dry smile. “It’s all pretty formulaic.”

“We’ll see,” was his only response.

xXx

There was one clear advantage about the hall of mirrors, Kakuzu thought later that night as they returned to the hotel.  The whole time, he’d had absolutely no trouble at all with ogling Tenten (strange as some of those reflections were), and knew for certain that she’d been doing the same.  Not that he minded. Quite the opposite, actually, but it did leave him with a bit of a predicament. One that imagining Deidara naked would efficiently quash.

Still.  He did have a few priorities on the topic (of sexual attraction, not nude idiots).  First and foremost, determining his date’s thoughts on the matter. And  _ then _ he could decide how to proceed after that.

Of course, the way she deliberately slid a little  _ too _ close to him on the way into their room gave him a few dangerous ideas.  He ruthlessly controlled them, however, and smirked at her. “You can have the shower first, if you’d like,” he commented, heading for his bed.

For a moment, she stood where he had left her, head tilted to regard her bags, brow curiously furrowed. Then she glanced in the direction of said shower. “That’d be great,” she said, frown clearing as she stepped over to her things, rummaged through them, and pulled out a few articles of clothing. They looked like soft flannel: dark blue and light grey. 

“No peeking!” Tenten sang out, with a reckless grin and disappeared into the bathroom. The door closed with a definite  _ click _ . And locked.

He snorted.  Modest, wary.  But still flirtatious.  He could work with that.  He got out his own toiletries as he waited for her to finish, which didn’t really take long, and soon enough she was stepping out of the bathroom.  Her damp hair, long and  _ down _ , caught his eye first and foremost, as she was in the midst of braiding it.  For some reason, his mouth went rather dry at the sight. Strange.

What was next were her legs: long, toned, tanned, and… bare. Sure, he’d seen lots of skin at work, the night club didn’t have much of a dress code, but then he hadn’t been interested in touching. Frankly, he hadn’t been interested full stop. The shorts Tenten was wearing weren’t any more scandalous than the tiny scraps those women had called skirts, but it was worn thin and clearly not meant for outside.

Tenten tilted her head up, releasing the long braid to slide over her shoulders and then Kakuzu realized her shoulders were bare. Or may as well have been. That was a tiny tank top. Soft, moulded to her torso… strings held it up and the fabric didn’t even reach her navel. No bra.

“Right, shower’s all yours,” said Tenten, tossing a towel over the top of a chair and flopping down onto her bed with a bounce. Oh believe him, there was  _ bounce _ . “Hope you don’t mind the condensation.”

He drew a silent breath and got up.  “Not at all,” he growled, smirking at her.  He didn’t move to get up, though. Not due to any worry that she’d notice his current state, but rather because he was enjoying the view.  Maybe a bit too much.

The pillow thrown at his head said she noticed. “No gawking unless it’s equal. Move your ass.”

Chuckling, he finally got to his feet and went to take a quick shower of his own.  He deliberately didn’t towel his hair afterward, and hesitated as he picked up his nightshirt.  Dark eyes lifted to take in his life-worn torso; dark aged scars, the uniform puckering of places he’d been stitched or outright stapled, even the slight discoloration from a chemical incident when he was 14.

Tenten had never seen him without a shirt.  Bandaged to hell, wearing a hospital gown, arms bare, yes.  But never entirely shirtless. How would she react? A part of him really didn’t want to know, but he knew it would come up eventually.  Drawing a deep breath, he gathered his discarded clothing, including the shirt, and stepped out of the bathroom.

Immediately, his gaze went to her face, watching, assessing.  Waiting.

The smile she had immediately dropped away, as did much of the color from her cheeks. One hand came up to cover her mouth and the strangled half gasp, and her eyes, those large chocolate pools, bloomed large.

“Are you hurt?” she demanded, surging up off the bed, three steps towards him before stalling, her gaze finally picking out the details. The old details. “No, not now…” She sucked in a deeper breath than the shallow ones from before. “Oh my God, Kakuzu,” now she looked at him. “What happened?”

If there had been pity, it had gone by fast. If there had been disgust, it wasn’t for what she saw now, but what she imagined done to him. Disturbance, rather than recoil. But still, she stayed her distance.

He dropped the clothes on the end of his bed, and pulled on the shirt, unsure how to feel.  “Life,” he replied flatly after a moment. “There’s a reason they call us the Zombie  _ Brothers _ , not just Hidan and his sadomasochism.  I’ve been through hell and back too.” He gave her a small smile, though he didn’t quite feel it himself.  “Sorry.”

There was a frown across her brow now, her eyes still slightly down from his, still staring at his chest. Her color was coming back, but she visibly hesitated coming closer, her teeth worrying her bottom lip. At his last word though, her confusion cleared and she looked at him like he had said something bizarre. Maybe he had.

“Don’t say ‘sorry’,” Tenten said, soft but clear. She swallowed. “It’s obvious you’ve been through pain.” She glanced between her bed and his, fingers drumming against her thighs. A sharp puff of air as she scoffed, shaking her head. “I had wanted to flirt,” she admitted, eyes drifting to the bathroom and back, to snag on his hidden but scarred body. “Dunno if that’s a good idea now. Seems… in bad taste.”

Nudging his shoes aside with a bare foot, he sat on the end of the bed and smirked at her.  A part of him was so heady with relief that he felt light. This could have gone so much worse.  “Well, you’re  _ always _ welcome to come and sit in my lap,” he replied, a bit crudely but he didn’t particularly care at this point.

But still, it broke the tension. Tenten choked on a laugh and sat on her bed, mirroring him, but leaned back on one arm. It… stretched the already thin fabric. “Unbelievably, that’s tempting,” she told him, shaking her head, her lips twitching in a smile. “I just… don’t know what kind of message that will send.”

“That all depends on what kind of message you want it to send,” he replied bluntly.  He blinked, suddenly realizing that he had no idea if she’d ever even  _ had _ sex before.  “So?”

This time, she brought her legs up, crossing them and dropping her clasped hands into her now open lap. She shrugged. “I’m not a girl who has the hots just for scars. I don’t believe in pity sex.” Here, she brought up her gaze from the floor to match his. “Can I just kiss you for being you?”

He chuckled.  “I don’t see why not.  But that’s not what I meant, Tenten.”

To her credit, Tenten didn’t immediately scowl, though she did blush a fantastic red. “No sex on the first date, buddy.”

Laughter bubbled forth, he really couldn’t help himself.  “Can’t blame a guy for trying,” he responded in amusement.

“Oh shut it,” she replied, and unfolded from her bed to stand. She crossed the three feet with ease, but shuddered a halt one hand raised to his cheek, her knees brushing the outsides of his. “You’re a horrible horrible person.” Her fingers ghosted over his ear and into his hair, thumb stroking to the side of his eye.

Leaning his jaw into her palm, he looked up to meet her gaze.   _ Not as horrible as you, _ he thought unheatedly.  “And yet here you are,” he said aloud.

For some reason, she tilted to look up at the ceiling with a sharp sigh, almost a huff. “Yeah, I’m such a delinquent.” Then she was dropping into his lap, arms winding around his neck. There was a challenge in her eyes, determination in the line of her mouth. Her throat bare and waiting, inches from his lips. “What are you gonna do about that?” 

He exhaled, and felt more than saw the shiver race through her shoulders.  “Surrender my soul,” he breathed against her skin as he leaned in, nipping lightly.  He tightened his arms, then wondered when he’d brought them up to surround her tiny waist.  The thought was fleeting, though, as her breath hitched, and her breasts pressed against his collarbone, his throat.  He lifted her and tugged her tighter against him, one arm supporting her thighs while he sucked a rose of color into being just beneath her jaw, delighting in her squirming.

“Oh--of course you’d be into hickeys,” Tenten muttered, one hand scratching down his back in retaliation. Not that those would be visible in the day. Not like his marks. Even as she complained, her back arched in a smooth warm curve and her chin tilted just so, giving him more room. She gave a shuddering moan as he took the invitation and marked her again. Her fingers on his shoulder clenched.

Satisfied, the fiend leaned back and eyed his handiwork appreciatively, ignoring the droll look she was giving him in response.  Then he lifted his face and kissed her full on the mouth. Oh how he’d yearned for this, forever it seemed.

And she responded beautifully. Hands coming back up to dive into his hair, a half muffled sound of need, and then her lips were parting, letting him in, tasting him as he delved into her. It was intoxicating the way she kissed with her whole body, surging up and twisting with the act. But then he felt something soft and heavy, cool to the touch brush the back of his hand.

Her braid.

All he needed to do was catch and twist... and the tie was gone, thick tendrils of cool satin shivering loose.

He smiled in smug accomplishment at her protesting noise, and distracted her appropriately.  With his tongue.

_ Or would that be inappropriately _ ?  That tiny corner of his mind reserved for cool analysis wasn’t doing much better than the rest of his brain.  Not that he needed his brain at the moment.


	7. Gift Me (You)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [ _Kakuzu. I need an adult._ ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeey, fluff piece!  
> ST verse (wish I could tag individual chapters...)

[ _Hey, Kakuzu. What do you want for your birthday? I need to know._ ]

Said text popped up while he was eating lunch. Someone had a death wish. He hadn’t been the one who told Tenten when his birthday was.

Scowling, he opened up a reply and typed, [ _Ten thousand dollars.  Or nude pictures of every in office politician._ ]

[... _Okay, so that’s what you want or what your answer will cost me?_ ]

[ _What I want.  How did you find out my birth date?_ ]

[ _Fuck, Kakuzu. I can’t get you that kind of material, and you know it… Argh. Okay, what can I get you that you’d at least remotely appreciate that is within my capabilities?_ ]

Followed by: [ _I'm asking here._ ]

He sighed and leaned back in his chair as, across from him, his coworker gave him a wary look and got up.  That was fine with him. At any rate, he’d normally just keep messing with her, but… She was right. She _did_ ask, rather than making likely erroneous assumptions and in general getting him into nonsense that was a pain in the ass for him as well as anyone around him.

Shaking his head, he opened a reply.  [ _I don’t celebrate my birthday.  But, if you insist on getting me something… your company should suffice._ ]  He frowned at it and erased it.  [ _Whatever you want to give me is fine._ ]  Nope.  Letting out an aggravated growl - another coworker quickly fled the room - he typed up, [ _What the hell do people normally get for their birthday?!_ ] and erased it again.

“Um.  Chuushin-san…”

“ _What._ ”

His manager froze and Kakuzu inwardly swore.  He’d actually been trying to keep the woman from being afraid of him.  Exhaling, he lowered his phone and looked at her. “Did you need something?” he asked, less hostilely.

She gave him a wan smile.  “Ah… I-it can wait until you clock back in.  I apologize for bothering you during your lunch break!”

He barely managed to keep from gaping idiotically as his manager actually fled the room.  Working his jaw in annoyance and frustration, he typed up, [ _Something to beat on,_ ] with as few jabs at the screen as possible, and hit send.

Barely enough time had passed for him to take a breath before Tenten’s answer came in. [... _Should I be surprised that Hidan just volunteered? Cuz I’m not. Also… Hoshigaki has this really weird grin going on and I think I need to leave the room._ ]

[ _Kakuzu. I need an adult._ ]

He huffed out a laugh that was half amusement, half frustration.  [ _Run away as fast as you can.  I think Hinata’s on shift at the cafe.  Refuge is there._ ]

This time, his phone rang. “You would _think_ that,” Tenten muttered into his ear when he picked up, “but that’d be a lie. I’m already at the cafe. So is Hidan and Hoshigaki. I walked away, okay? _I walked away_ . But even if I’m hiding in the staff room, Subaku is here too and _he’s_ smirking… And now he’s opening his mouth and--No. No. Shut up. I don’t need to think about--I swear to Kami, Subaku, I will bury you…”

“Video tape it, would you?” he drawled, smirking.  “Also, I have five minutes till I’m off my lunch break.”

For some unknown reason, Tenten whimpered. “There will be no video taping. No recording. No evidence to be had. _You_ can deal with Hidan, but Subaku--”

“--Oi! Is that Kakuzu?” Kankuro’s voice rose up in the background. “Heeey, this means you can _verify_. I mean, we’ve got all these options so--”

Tenten squawked. There really wasn’t any other way of describing the sound she just made. And then there was a yell and a yelp (this time Kankuro) and a solid _thud_.

For a few seconds, there was nothing but Tenten giggling hysterically.

“I think I just knocked him out,” she whispered breathlessly. “I’ll call you back later. Bye.”

Then she hung up.

[ _If you need bail, let me know.  I have to get back to work,_ ] he texted her, amused, and got up.  He needed to clock back in and go find out what the manager wanted.

[ _I don’t need bail as long as you don’t snitch on me. The pinata is about to make a return appearance. How about that for a present?_ ]

Well, at least the shock value would be amusing.  But he didn’t really need to tell her they didn’t do that to allies...

**Author's Note:**

> If this has inspired you to write anything for these two, please link me!!


End file.
